Have you ever felt that you are not enough? You may have a spouse, kids, and the house with the white picket fence that people dream of, but it still feels inadequate.
In fact, that annoyance feeling of inadequacy It gnaws at you and tells you that you are missing something. But what?
Finding the root of your inappropriate feelings
When was the first time you felt you were not good enough? Do you remember the day it all started? He was a bully who made them feel singled out and different, but for others, it was growing up in an abused home.
Did you have some life-changing circumstances that altered your perception of yourself? Changes can scare and overwhelm you. Things like getting a new job, going to a new school, or losing a friend can shake you to the core.
These feelings of inadequacy can often start with some significant changes in your life and can last for a long time. You were not born with these feelings, and it is your life experiences that have caused them to develop. However, you need to know that there is nothing wrong with you, and it is only your insecurities that are saying negative things to your mind.
You have passed that moment in your life, but the feelings are buried inside you. The more you suppress them, the more likely you are to have trouble with your emotions. See, even though you can bury them, your body still remembers the trauma, abuse, or incident that changed your view and feelings about yourself.
Failure often begins in childhood trauma
In 2014, Bessel van der Kolk MD wrote a fascinating book titled The body keeps the score. He used his years of study to show why children who have been abused often grow up into adults with complex problems and feelings of inadequacy. It theorizes that the body keeps track of the trauma, even if the mind blocks it.
Suppose a girl was abused when she was three years old. He would have no way of remembering the events that happened to him, as his age and maturity level would not allow it. However, when the boy turns six and starts school, his mother begins to see signs that indicate whether abuse has occurred.
How can a child who has been in a loving home begin to show awareness of intimate acts? Your mind has suppressed the problems and you don’t really understand them, but your body remembers every ounce of that trauma you experienced. She will undoubtedly be affected her entire life by an event that occurred at the age of three.
An environment that was not enough
Adults know emotions and how trauma can affect the brain. Unfortunately, you are aware that feeling inadequate is just a by-product of the situation you were in that made you feel inadequate.
The key is that you know deep down that you are enough, but you don’t feel strong enough inside yourself to overcome these feelings. You must transform these old beliefs and address the root cause. However, to do this, you must expose the parts of your suffering and then you can work to heal them.
He must go back to when he was three years old for the girl who was abused. She must return to the state of the broken child. It sounds corny as she obviously can’t remember much of that moment, but she needs to go back to that place in time where the trauma disrupted her.
Using your mental energy, you need to visualize what your three-year-old part looks like. Being as specific as what you might be wearing or where you are during this time could help. You see, you can have memories of only 3.5 years, according to a study by the American Psychological Association.
Healing the past
It will take time and practice, but under the guidance of a counselor, you can learn to go back and unravel the events that upset you. The woman (or man) must offer compassion to the broken child within himself. They need to tell the toddler that things are okay and that it is okay to talk about problems and recover from them.
Feelings of inadequacy can also be a defense mechanism against more powerful emotions that make you angry at those who hurt you. These emotions are neither right nor wrong, but they must be managed. Perhaps this person harbors feelings of anger or resentment towards their mother, as she was not keeping a close eye on things.
Since the father did not closely monitor the situation, he allowed his innocence to be taken away. How many times have you said that there is a hole in your heart or do you feel an emptiness? If you feel inadequate, then these may be words you use to describe your feelings.
Your emotions are also physical sensations that you have to deal with, and you know how it feels to not be enough. No matter what good things come your way, you feel like the huge hole in your soul allows them to flow out.
To fix this problem, you must repair the vacuum. By repairing this space, you will learn to hold on to the good things that happen to you. Also, it would be helpful if you remembered to validate the things you have accomplished in life, as it feels good and increases your esteem. Here are some things to authenticate as achievements:
- A successful marriage / relationship
- Have a career, you love
- Raising wonderful children
- A roof over your head
- A good car to drive
- Have family and friends who love you
You must train yourself to develop the capacity with you to allow those positive experiences to penetrate. It won’t happen overnight, but little by little you can make yourself notice feelings like love and even joy.
Daily affirmations and being proactive towards recovery
Overcoming the wounds that make you feel inadequate will not be a quick process. However, if you chisel the root a little bit every day, you’ll soon feel better than ever. It would be helpful if you repeatedly reminded yourself that the feeling of not being enough is something you have learned and it is not true.
You must reconnect with the part of you that is hurt and show yourself compassion. Don’t expect miracles, as it took many years to develop these inappropriate feelings, and it is going to take time to alter your thinking. Fortunately, here are some things you can do to speed up the healing process:
• The pose of power
One thing that will help you feel more confident is learning how to do the power pose. Doing this for breakfast, lunch, and dinner can help boost your confidence. Amy cuddy, a social psychologist, did a powerful Ted Talk on this position and helped her.
When you stay confident for a few minutes, you should also tell yourself that you are strong and capable of overcoming anything that comes your way.
• Box breathing
Box breathing it’s another great way to cope, and it’s a great way to calm your central nervous system. Begin by inhaling deeply for a count of five, then hold it for a count of five, followed by slowly releasing it through your mouth for a count of five.
You can try to hold out longer if you can, but it’s also okay to do a lower number if your lungs can’t hold out for such a long period.
•Go to the gym
A great way to get your adrenaline pumping and your wellness hormones spiked is vigorous exercise. Exercise is as effective in treating anxiety and depression as some treatments. However, it is also the feeling of empowerment that it gives you that helps you with your feelings of inadequacy.
• Stop comparing yourself to others
One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to compare yourself to other people. There is only one of you in this world, and your experiences have shaped you into the person you are today. You only know what the person you are comparing to allows you to see, and there are always things they hide from the world.
To achieve healing, you must first become aware of the things that make you feel inadequate. Once you become aware of them, you can understand how and why they forced you to have these feelings. You must learn to name the time, validate the experience, and process the emotions it caused.
By doing this, you are taking away the power that the situation has over you. Once you get over the buried anger towards the situation and the people involved, you can move on and put the fight behind you.
Isn’t it time you put this burden down and restore your self esteem and feelings of pride within yourself? Today is a good day for a change and the future looks bright to you.