You are programmed to be accepted and receive praise from those closest to you. When you get a new haircut, outfit, or car, you want the people around you to notice. It’s natural to conform yourself in a way that you think everyone will accept. But authenticity in relationships is also a critical factor in making them last.
Therefore, there is a big problem with striving for approval and accepting superficial praise to pet your ego. When it comes to relationships, you find yourself in the same situation. Meeting someone new can be intimidating and you want to like them, so you change to make yourself more attractive.
Authenticity in relationships is a big problem. If you are dating someone you think is out of your caliber, you can resort to lying to keep that person interested. For example, one of the classic examples of this is someone who says they are a fuel pump technician, but is an employee at a service station.
Be careful when selecting your words and dressing or acting differently as it can give off a completely different personality. Now, what happens when the person you’re dating finds out that you lied about something? Dishonesty can ruin your entire relationship, as no one wants to be with someone who is deceitful.
Twelve Ways to Create Authenticity in Relationships
Honesty is always the best policy, and how do you build a relationship when you start out on the shaky ground of deception? Here are some habits and ways to increase authenticity in relationships so that you have a chance to make them last.
1. Be vulnerable
If you want a deep connection, you will have to be vulnerable. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is romantic or platonic, it takes a certain level of realism. Your time on planet earth will give you a lot of experience with things from pleasure to pain.
Being able to share these experiences with people and not letting go of anything is valuable. Both parties must be vulnerable to increase authenticity.
2. Never judge
If you want to have friends and be loved, you should avoid pointing fingers. Don’t judge people or be pretentious, as this is never a desirable trait. Why do people judge you by your clothes, where you live, what kind of car you drive, and how much money you make?
All these superficial things don’t matter. What really counts is what’s on the inside, and you won’t see these beautiful things if you don’t stop looking outside. A classic example of this is people struggling with obesity.
Your parents told you never to judge a book by its cover, but those with a weight problem say they are prejudged before anyone knows them. According to Harvard HealthThere are many reasons why someone may be obese and they do not always involve overeating.
If you quickly judge someone’s exterior without knowing the story, you may miss out on some of the most extraordinary relationships out there. Authenticity in relationships takes good and bad and loves anyway.
You do things that you are not proud of because you are human. Be eager to forgive others when they fail, as it is not the moral compass of society. When you forgive others, you release good karma into the atmosphere and others will forgive you.
The next time you look in the mirror, you want to see someone who has made a lot of mistakes but never let the crazy world catch up with them. Choose to forgive not only others, but also yourself.
4. Accept the differences
Similar to finding common ground, you wish embrace diversity between you. Wouldn’t the world be a boring place if everyone thought and acted like you?
You need different points of view and life experiences to have a good conversation. Also, when there are differences, they push each other to try new things and experience fun times they never thought possible. Bringing people who are different from you to the table helps you push the limits of personal growth.
5. Admire each other
Nobody likes a “brown nose”, but you do like someone who realizes the good things about you. If you want authenticity in relationships, try complimenting them. Take note of the good things and don’t focus on the wrong things.
Mark Twain wrote about the power of praise saying that you could feast for two months with just a nice compliment. It gives you a boost in your esteem that you need to keep going.
6. Be trustworthy
No matter how juicy the gossip your partner or friend tells you, being trustworthy is one of the fundamentals that will make or break your union. If you want your relationship to last, you must use trust as one of its building blocks.
When they cannot trust each other, they will examine and possibly doubt every word. If this person confides in you secrets that they don’t want the world to know, don’t repeat them. If you tell just one person, you have betrayed their trust.
While some people are eager to forgive such a transgression, others will leave it out for such a betrayal.
7. Find common ground
While the old saying goes that opposites attract, you must have something in common to lay the groundwork. It will become apparent if you have nothing in common with your partner, but more in common with other people. Don’t look at all the differences you have, but you should focus on the similarities.
8. Learn effective communication
Do you classify yourself as a good listener? You can distinguish good listeners by the number of people who call to tell you about their problems. In a relationship, it requires you to listen and focus on the other person.
Don’t over-analyze everything they say or interject your feelings. In most cases, people speak because they want someone to listen to them. Being a good conversationalist is an integral part of a relationship because you will have a hard time without communicating.
9. Give without expecting anything in return
It is always more blessed for you to give something to someone than to receive. Never share with the belief that you will receive something in return, as it defeats the entire purpose of charity. When you give someone something unconditionally, it gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling that you’ve done good for humanity.
Your partner or friend should know that you are always there for them. Remember the old passages that say if you have two shirts to give one to your neighbor? Well, remember that “sharing is caring,” and when you share with others, you are showing how much you care.
10. Be present
Be present it’s a big problem with so many people today. Suppose you have a date with your partner. The entire time you’re having dinner, they don’t hang up the phone for five minutes. They take calls, send text messages, and reply to emails.
In the two hours that you were at this restaurant, you did nothing but look at them on their phone. The two of you didn’t talk much and you didn’t spend any particular time together. While it will be challenging, turn off or silence your phone.
Your partner deserves your full attention, even if it’s only for an hour. Could you please answer their questions instead of texting them? According to PaternalCell phone addiction can destroy a relationship as fast as infidelity.
Clearly the “phone snub” is getting out of hand, but is losing someone you love worth it?
11. Don’t fight for perfection
You are not perfect, so why do you expect those around you to be? If you want authenticity in relationships, allow your friends and your partner to be authentic.
12. Be more open to suggestions and compromises
Is it your way or the highway? You won’t gather many friends if you have the attitude that you are always right. You must be open to suggestions from others and willing to compromise.
Your opinion matters too, but you should be open to hearing other points of view. Not only will it help brighten your horizons, but it will also allow the other person to feel heard.
Final thoughts on authenticity in relationships
Relationships are challenging. Whether you are looking for your forever partner or your best friend to share your secrets with, there is a level of authenticity in relationships that is required. It would be helpful to have good communication, never point the finger at judgment and be anxious to show both your failures and your successes.
Karen L. Rancourt, Ph.D.You’ve done a lot of research on the building blocks of relationships. You have compiled a list of what a healthy relationship needs, such as values, commitment, appreciation, honesty, and accommodation. When you find a friend or lover who will be by your side for life, you don’t want to lose them because you are not authentic.
Make an effort each day to say something nice to someone, spend time with them, hang up the cell phone, and give them your undivided attention. Relationships require work, and you must be willing to get your hands dirty to help yours flourish.