5 Ways Looking Down On Others Destroys Your Self-Confidence

Lakeisha E
June 08, 2021

Have you ever found yourself thinking that you are above other people? Do you tend to think that others are worse than you, or do you find fault with the people around you? This is a big mistake! Putting down others can destroy your own self-esteem.

If you identify with those statements, then, unfortunately, you have been killing your own self-esteem! But how?

5 Ways Putting Down Others Destroys Your Self Confidence

Here are 5 ways that putting others down destroys your self-confidence and how to stop it in 4 ways.

1. You don’t focus on yourself

Focusing on putting other people down also means that your attention is fixed in other people in general. It takes away the time you could use to spend on yourself. That can easily make anyone lose touch with who they are.

Being confident means being a bit selfish with yourself. It means taking time to focus on who you are, being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and feeling good about yourself and in general. You can’t do that if your attention is too busy and randomly engaged.

2. You get a biased view of others

Social comparison is not inherently negative if you do it correctly. Learning to take reasonable note of what you appreciate or admire in others can inspire you to do better and to change in positive ways.

Of course, the problem is that putting others down is not the “right” way to do this. It means that you are only finding fault with other people and you cannot learn from what you don’t like about them.

Many people who seek social comparison do it this way or in a toxic way, seeking only to seek increases in self-esteem or self-improvement. The problem with this is that they do it through distortion to obtain inauthentic information. positive thinking outside the. This means that they:

• Make upward social comparisons, in which they “look up” at others, to justify their poor performance: “They are much better at this than I am because they have been training for years, of course I am not doing that well.” ! “
• Make downward social comparisons, in which you put others down, to make yourself feel better: “Actually, I’m not doing that bad, look at her, she’s so much worse than me!”
• Avoid making comparisons or certain types of comparisons altogether if you don’t want an honest self-assessment: “Whatever, who cares how I’m doing, it doesn’t even matter!”

This is a form of psychological denial. It tilts reality in your favor, but makes you dependent on that bias, forming a vicious downward spiral. You start to need these skewed comparisons to feel good about yourself, as you haven’t tried to find confidence in more productive ways.

3. You define yourself by the standards of others

Other people’s standards are yours. When you put others down, you are performing acts of comparison, but that comparison means that you are focusing on how they behave themselves. It may not seem like it, but you are tangling their standards with yours.

Take, for example, social media. Most studies reveal that watching someone do well or achieve something on social media can often lower self-esteem and positive thinkingeven if you feel happy for that person too. So when you see someone doing well on social media and you look down on them, it’s pretty easy to fall into that trap anyway.

Acting high and powerful does not prevent you from subconsciously comparing yourself to others. To belittle others, you have to make some comparison. Of course, those comparisons don’t make sense. Each person is fighting their own demons and focusing on their own growth. Establishing any link between your trip and theirs is a sure way to damages your self esteem by these arbitrary standards.

4. You don’t accept yourself

While it’s okay and healthy to make decisions about who you want to spend your time with and who you don’t, you have to draw a line in deciding whether someone is “worthy.” Often times, these kinds of thoughts and put-downs are a projection of your own difficulty accepting yourself.

Self-acceptance is the key to self-confidence. Leaving others wastes energy in your non-acceptance of others. It shouldn’t matter if you accept others or not, all you have to be at peace with is yourself and who you are.

5. You don’t think about what makes you who you are

True self-confidence comes from the ability to love all of your parts and accept them for what they are. If you put others down, you forget that they have their own factors that make them who they are, just like you. Unfortunately, that also means that you often don’t think about what makes you unique. For example:

· Your past

Your past may have pain, mess, or even some things that you are not proud of. Possess that past It gives you a better idea of ​​how other people are shaped by your own past, and will often make you feel less comfortable in putting others down.

· Your future

Looking down on others is shortsighted. You are viewing someone as a static being that does not change, not as someone who will grow over time and become better and stronger. It often means that your view of yourself is just as myopic, but the fact is, you have a lot to experience. If you focus on that, you will see yourself in a new light.

Things you can be thankful for

Let’s face it: hardly anyone who actively spends time putting others down pays enough attention to all the things they can be thankful for. Gratitude is a very positive thing and it can improve your entire state of mind, including your self-esteem. Don’t waste energy on put-downs; Instead, focus on being grateful.

How to stop putting others down in 4 ways

1. Use empathy, not judgment

To belittle others means to judge them. It is not uncommon for someone’s judgment to be an automatic or instinctive response. It is true that in many cases, the ability to positive Empathy must be learned if it is not genetically present from the start. But there is no better time to start learning than now!

The key to this is realizing that you don’t know someone’s story. You don’t know what they go through, how they feel or what they thought when they did something strange or unusual. You need to replace those thoughts with others by catching the judgments and stopping them. Below are some examples of empathic replacement statements:

• Judgment: “Wow, they are very heavy. They must be unhealthy. “

Empathy: “They may be going through a rough patch, they may have a medical condition, or maybe their main focus is not their weight right now. They deserve basic respect and decency, regardless of their size. “

• Judgment: “I can’t believe they let their son rage in public.”

Empathy: “Parenting is a very difficult job and children have tantrums for all kinds of reasons. It seems like they are doing their best to handle the situation! “

• Judgment: “They really didn’t do this correctly again? They are definitely not trying hard enough! “

Empathy: “Different people have different learning speeds and styles. Perhaps this has not been explained to them in a way that they understand! I should talk to them about this. “

2. Be motivated by others

Instead of looking for reasons to make fun of others, look for reasons to feel motivated by others. In other words, look for the good in people! Find things you admire about them and that’s it positive about them, then use it as inspiration to move on. You will find that you experience a much brighter life when you have this perspective, and this is a sign of high self-esteem. For example:

• Take note of the leadership skills of your manager, whom you generally look down on for being strict
• Praise your friend’s best qualities and try to learn from him instead of making fun of his weaknesses.
• Be inspired by the business drive of someone who normally rolls their eyes for showing off their designer clothes on social media.

3. Stop treating differences as bad things

People are different and unique. The world is full of people who are not like you. That’s just a fact of life, and it doesn’t mean they are better, worse, or even require comparison with you.

Diversity is a beautiful thing and the world would be terribly boring if everyone were the same. Try to learn and internalize these facts:

• What works for one person will not work for another.
• People respond to events and circumstances in different ways.
• The inability to understand someone’s point of view does not make that point of view bad.
• Uniqueness is not a personal attack on you.
• Differences are not a sign that something is wrong.
• The world’s ideas of “normal” are arbitrary and do not need to be adhered to.

4. Be kinder to yourself

At the end of the day, the way you speak and look at others is often a projection of how you speak and look at yourself. So if you find yourself always putting others down, chances are you are putting yourself down, and you deserve better than that!

Learn to refocus the way you perceive yourself and others while being more compassionate to yourself. Change the way you think and talk about yourself. Here are some examples:

• Negative thinking: “I may be terrible at this, but at least they are worse than me.”

Refocused thinking: “I have my fair share of flaws and weaknesses, and so do they. We both also have our own strengths where we can shine! “

• Negative thinking: “I am such a lazy person. Fortunately, I still do more work than they do. “

Refocused thinking: “I’ve been struggling with these tasks and I need to get to the bottom of why. I’m overwhelmed? I need a break? Maybe they will too! “

• Negative thought: “I can’t believe I made such a serious mistake. Well, they did an even worse one last month, so we’re tied. “

Refocused thinking: “Mistakes are normal and everyone makes them! A little embarrassment is worth the lesson I’ve learned. “

Final thoughts on how putting others down destroys your self-esteem and how to stop it