Have you ever seen a relationship so painfully unhealthy that you can’t imagine why those people stick together? Or are you in a situation where you are questioning the positivity of your own association but feel the need to stay despite knowing something is wrong?
4 reasons people stay in toxic relationships
Unfortunately, it’s common for people to stay in bad relationships, no matter how obvious the downsides are. Are here four reasons why people stay in toxic relationships and how to get rid of them.
Many people in relationships have invested heavily in those relationships, sometimes to the point of feeling unable to leave. Those who decide to remain in bad relationships have shared investments with their partners, according to research.
- Sharing a house
- Have children together
- Intertwined financial state
- Time and effort
In these circumstances, the knowledge you have invested so much in that relationship can make you reluctant to let go. After all, it is easy to see something end up with as much investment as a “waste” and the idea of having to redistribute everything you share and find deals for who gets what is overwhelming. Why let it all “go to waste” when you can tolerate toxicity?
2. You don’t like the alternatives available
When people think about leaving a relationship, one of the first things that will cross their minds are the alternatives to being with that person. In some situations, the available options are less preferable than staying. For example, someone cannot leave if:
- Living outside of your relationship means losing your partner’s financial support and you can’t make up for the loss with your job.
- Your partner is more likely to get custody of the joint children, and the inability to be with your children is a worse outcome than staying
- They have low self-esteem and believe that they will never find anyone else to love or accept; studies They suggest that this is an important factor in maintaining a relationship.
Unfortunately, emotions are the driving force that often makes people stick around. Being in love with a toxic person can mean overlooking their negative traits, using positive thinking through daily difficulties, and wanting to stay together simply because you love them.
Worse yet, your emotions can override your rational thinking. You may be cognitively aware of someone’s toxicity, but only have good feelings for them because of the love you feel. You may even experience negative feelings about your relationship and have them ignored because of it. positive spark of love. This means that you can know for sure that you are in a lousy relationship and not yet in love, and that is sadly very common.
Many people stay in their relationships due to some type of abuse. Sadly, many victims find themselves silenced or not taken seriously, and in the end they are often blamed for staying anyway. It is a terrible problem, but it is a story we hear over and over again. Here are examples of abuse that can keep someone in a toxic relationship:
Emotional abuse is often overlooked, but the act of destroying someone’s self-esteem through disparaging, threatening, demeaning, or disabling words can make someone think they shouldn’t leave. Someone who is manipulated in this way may believe that no one else can love them, or that they can never find anyone better, or even that they are the most to blame in the relationship.
· Physical abuse
Physical abuse It can make someone fear their partner’s harm if they leave. Many physical abusers do something called a “love bombardment,” in which they act extra sweet to make up for the abuse they do. In these moments, they can be charming and convince someone not to leave.
A partner who withholds financial support for a partner who does not work or earns much less could lead to someone deciding to stay. This is especially true if they have no one else to depend on financially.
Sometimes a toxic person threatens to hurt themselves if their partner leaves them. This is a form of emotional abuse, but few realize it until much later. The resulting heartbreak can convince someone to stay.
If you are a victim of any of these types of abuse, contact a domestic violence hotline or similar aid organization for help. They may be able to guide or assist you in your escape.
4 ways to break free from toxic relationships
1. Understand its value
Many people who are trapped in toxic relationships don’t feel like they don’t deserve toxicity. No one should be caught in a situation where they are abused, mistreated, or not receiving healthy and positive love and affection.
It is worth more than what a toxic person makes you feel. You are worthy of having a happy and loving relationship with someone who would never hurt you and who will not engage in unhealthy behaviors all the time, even after being talked about them. The time you waste staying where you are is more time you waste on something that deserves better.
Remember, your toxic relationship holds you back from many things. It could prevent you from finding better relationships, growing up and a person, and even building a career. No relationship should do that.
2. Take responsibility
Leaving a toxic relationship requires taking a lot of responsibility for your actions and your recovery. Of course, it makes sense that it is easy to blame the other party, the person you perceive as the most toxic, for the state of your relationship. But ultimately, you have to stop pointing fingers and start focusing on yourself. To break free, you need:
Identify your problems
If you’ve been in a toxic relationship for so long, understand why. Were you attracted to that person due to past trauma with other poisonous people? Are you someone with your toxic traits, which makes you both like each other more? Did you like the idea of being able to “fix” them or the relationship? How did you contribute to the toxicity? Facing your problems ensures that you will learn from this relationship and will not fall into the pattern of repeatedly dating the same types of people.
Get rid of denial
Many people make excuses for their toxic partners. “She’s tired!”, “He had a difficult childhood!”, “They didn’t mean it, and they are a good person at heart!”, “We love each other so much that emotions skyrocket! ”. These excuses imply that the person making them is deeply in denial. Face the facts: your relationship is toxic, there are no buts, no buts about it. Getting out of denial allows you to see the relationship for what it is, and that burst of realism can be the rude awakening you need to break free.
Do your part
When you finally leave, remember that you have a responsibility to make smarter decisions now. Couldn’t you call your ex to see how they are? Don’t fall into negative and equally toxic habits. Don’t try to move into a new relationship right away. Instead, work on yourself. Learn the lessons you need to learn, pick up on the things you lost or let go of because of the relationship, and keep busy.
Do not back down in your decision
You chose to leave. Now, stick with it and don’t look back. It’s normal to miss someone you’ve been with for a long time, and you may think back to your good times and wonder if you should get back with them. Do not do it. Focus on the toxic aspects of the relationship and remind yourself why you needed to leave. If necessary, you can write down these reasons and look at the list whenever you have trouble staying away from your ex. Eventually, you will want to come back less and less.
3. Don’t expect others to change; Change yourself instead
Some people stay in toxic relationships because they feel like something will change. Your partner will eventually listen to you, or your dynamic will eventually change, or you will finally convince your partner to transform a toxic part of you. All are illusions and very unhealthy.
First, no one should be in a relationship with the sole goal of making the other person who they want them to be. That, in itself, is a pretty toxic base to start with! You cannot enter into a relationship with the desire to change other people, no matter how harmful they are. If you are looking to change something, you should not be in that relationship.
This is not to say that mistakes cannot be made and that people cannot learn and change. Of course, your partner can correct himself as he grows as a person. But if you’re sitting there and hanging around waiting for a year of toxic pattern To change overnight, you’re barking up the wrong tree
Remember, there is only one person in this world that you can control: yourself. Learn to recognize repeating patterns and control your response to them. You can decide that you want to leave and you can decide that you are worth more than this endless waiting game. As for your partner, if he wanted to change, he would.
4. Seek help and support
Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t easy, but the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. You can find support and assistance in many different ways and places, and you should seek that help. Don’t isolate yourself at this challenging time. Here are some ways to seek help:
Talk to your loved ones
Those you care about and trust can help you as you work through what you’ve been through. Surround yourself with and trust those cool, positive people in your life, telling them about aspects of your relationship that you’ve been afraid to talk about until now. They will help you move on and remind you never to look back again.
Find support groups
You’re not alone. Many people try to leave toxic relationships and some communities support them. Being around people in your situation will give you support in the group and everyone can motivate each other with positive thoughts.
Seek professional help
If you are struggling to move on or find that you have a lot of trauma and pain associated with your old relationship, it is a good idea to see a professional. Counselors, therapists, and other mental health professionals are trained to give you an unbiased ear and help you take positive steps forward.
No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship. If you are stuck in one, seek help. If you know someone stuck in one, spread out your offers of help if you can. Although it can be difficult, it is always possible to break free from a toxic relationship.