By stufflovely
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Do you like to please people? Are you having trouble inherently finding motivation for your actions? Do you tend to give in every time people try to persuade you to do something for them or with them? If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions, you may be stuck in a toxic cycle of pleasing others.
Your life belongs to you and you shouldn’t end up living just for the sake of others. How can you break this spiral? Here are six ways to get your life back and stop pleasing others.
1. Let go of negative emotions
Negative emotions it can cloud your judgment. They do the opposite of guiding you. Instead, they take you into a world that will only darken and harm you more and more each day. It would be helpful if you learned to put that negativity aside and focus on positive thinking.
However, this does not mean repressing your bad feelings. You need to know how you feel if you want to fight negativity. Here are some tips for letting go negative emotions so you can get your life back:
Don’t let fear control you
If you like to please people, chances are you are worried about what will happen when you stop doing everything you can to please others. You may fear that everyone will turn against you, that no one wants to be your friend, or that people will hate you for putting yourself first. The truth is that the consequences of deciding to please others less are not as significant as you think. Sure, some people will be upset, but most people don’t think of you as much as you care.
Don’t be guided by guilt
A strong feeling of guilt can make you a person pleaser. He feels bad about the idea of not helping others, so he tries his best to do more. It is a very unhealthy mindset and will lead to problems like resentment and burnout. If your main motivation for doing things for others is guilt, it’s time to take a step back.
Don’t limit yourself to ridiculous standards
No matter what you do in life, you can’t please everyone, and the people you please won’t remember your actions forever. You cannot make others happy and the only person you can control is yourself. So focus on your emotions and thoughts instead of obsessively worrying about the opinions of others.
Learn to calm yourself
Positive self-calming is a great way to reduce the severity of negative emotions. Find things to do that help you relax whenever you feel negative emotions arise. This will allow you to manage your negative feelings productively and effectively.
2. Consider reality
Complacent people They often lose a sense of what is real, what is too much, and what is unreasonable to expect from others. If you want to make everyone happy, you have probably lost a bit of control of what is really important. Here are some things to consider before moving forward with more person-friendly behaviors:
Consider what your time is worth
Think about the things you do to please others. Is it worth your time? How do you get paid fairly for it? Is this how you want to spend your days? What else would you be happier to do? Does the person you are pleasing value your time? Think of all these things. You may find that the amount of effort you put into others is not worth spending that way.
Consider who you want to give time to
You can’t fill your plate with too many obligations. If you do, you will inevitably burn out. As such, you should think about who you want your time to go to. Instead, would you do a favor for someone you know cares about you and then do something for the same colleague who has been demanding your time for weeks?
Consider how others convince you
Some people are very good at spotting people who please and will prepare to manipulate you right away. They will use flattery, invoke guilt or shame, or make you feel obligated to do something for them. This tactic is manipulation, plain and simple, but it can be difficult to tell when you are being manipulated, so be careful.
3. Pause when you feel inclined to please others.
Do you feel about to give up something to please other people? Stop there! Pause literally for a fraction of a second! According to research, That may be all you need to help your decision-making process!
It only takes 50 to 100 milliseconds for the brain to shift its focus from initial reactivity to important information. Pause and focus for a moment it will reduce the entrance of outside distractions and allow you to put aside the words of others when making decisions.
So the next time you need to make a decision that could lead to a new obligation, take a break. Brief silence is all you need to focus on what is most important.
4. Find the power in saying “no”
For people who love people, saying “no” can seem scary. But being a man who says yes all the time is a sure way to lose control of your life. When other people can occupy all your space, you should take it as a red flag. Get your life back by saying “no” more often, with the following tips:
Start small
You don’t need to say “no” to the people you have to see every day from the beginning. Instead, start by practicing. Take small steps. Learn to say “no” more often to people who you automatically say “yes” to. Express yourself before having big talks with people about your limits. Start with people you trust and work towards people who may resist the application of your limitations. Small steps get you to your destination on time!
Be assertive
When you reject someone, you have to look like you mean it. Don’t leave room for your tone to be interpreted as “convince me.” Speak with conviction, even when you are afraid. The first few times will be challenging, but your assertiveness will become more natural as you get more used to it.
Stop apologizing
Apologize for having to say “no” doesn’t make sense. You have done nothing wrong. Your apology will tell the other person that you have to make it up to him. Apologize only when you are really at fault, and not to avoid someone else’s annoyance.
Don’t overdo the excuses
Using excuses to explain yourself gives others more opportunities to get you off your insistence. You may feel like you have to justify your decisions, but a single honest and truthful explanation is enough.
Be empathetic
Saying “no” does not mean being an idiot. It means being able to assert your limits while still understanding and appreciating others. You can know where someone is coming from and speak compassionately to them while respecting their limits.
· Remember the positives of saying “no”
There are positive things that come from being able to say “no” at the right times. Putting yourself first is inherently good for you, so remember all its benefits when you’re having trouble fighting the inclination to please others.
5. Change “I can’t” to “I can’t”.
The way you say “no” can change whether or not someone is able to persuade you to accept. If you want to stop trying to please others so much, then you shouldn’t say “I can’t” when you try to reject him. If you want one more positive result, say “not me”.
Why did this happened? Well, statements like “I can’t” allow people to pressure you. Your limits are quickly tested and anyone can ask you why you can’t do something. So whatever your excuse is, they likely have a persuasive answer. For example, people can say:
- It will only take a little time.
- It is not a big thing.
- It will be OK!
- Not even for me?
- Oh don’t be silly!
- Ugh, hurry up!
When you use “I don’t”, you are making it clear that your limits are due to your preferences. It may sound harsh when you start to use the phrase, and of course not everyone needs to hear something so direct, but it is good to put it into practice. “Not me” leaves no room for movement or gaps: you don’t want to do this, so you won’t.
6. Find validation intrinsically
Much of the root of pleasing people lies in the desire for validation. You want others to like you, so you please them to the best of your ability, often at the expense of your own life. This indicates low self-esteem: you need appreciation, attention, and validation for others to feel worthy and “good enough.”
There’s a study That illustrates very well how reliance on external validation can affect everything you do and even how valuable things are. It’s called “How the Opinion of Others Affects Our Valuation of Objects.” During this investigation:
- Participants were asked to list 20 songs they enjoyed but did not have personal copies of.
- Then the participants would have to rate each song on a rating scale from 1 to 10; this rank would indicate his desire to own the music.
- Two “experts” in the musical field were introduced to the participants, who gave their own opinion on each song.
- Brain scans revealed that, in individual participants, the reward centers of the brain he brightened up and was buzzing when the “experts agreed with his opinion.”
- People seeking validation have this positive activity in the brain every time they receive the validation they want, making it quite addictive.
Unfortunately, external validation is not a long-term solution to low self-esteem. Internal self-validation is the type that allows your sense of self to grow. When you start to worry only about what you think, your life has been reclaimed and you will no longer feel the urgent need to please others.
Final thoughts on some ways to get your life back and stop pleasing others
Your life belongs to you. However, by repeatedly trying to please everyone, you give away parts of your life. The good news is, it’s still yours and you can claim it. strike a balance between prioritizing yourself and pleasing those around you. If all else fails, surround yourself with your loved ones. You got it!
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