Do you tend to attract negativity? Do you usually date toxic people? Maybe you date the wrong people? Do you often feel taken advantage of by others?
If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions, you may be attracting these people. While other people’s behavior is never your fault, you should be aware of how you are inadvertently encouraging these bad people to gravitate towards you. Here are 3 reasons why you attract toxic people and ways to repel them.
1. You are too generous with your time
Generosity is, for most, a positive trait. It means that you spend time with others and are willing to sacrifice some of your free time, or even your busy time, for them, then people will appreciate how much you do! Well … most of them will, at least.
Unfortunately, the downside to generosity is that there will always be people looking to take advantage of it. Toxic people are naturally attracted to those they can use, and the wrong people can use their generosity against them.
- Do you expect me to reply to all your messages and calls as soon as possible?
- Do you tend to repeatedly put yourself in situations where you have to abandon your own commitments for their sake?
- Does it seem almost naturally that he expects you to comply with his demands and requests?
- Do you feel resentful, angry, or upset when you don’t give them your time or when you set an unusual limit?
Toxic people can seem too good at looking innocent by gradually increasing their expectations of you in ways you may not realize. First, they ask you to cover them every two weeks, then every week, then every few days. It’s not uncommon for toxic people to put themselves first, but commit enough positive traits so that you think well of them. The problem with this is that it will happen so slowly that you won’t feel reasonable even to have a problem with it to begin with.
So what do you do about it? To repel toxic people who are drawn to your generosity, you need to set boundaries that they can’t take advantage of. Here are some tips:
Take into account your emotions
Get in touch with how you feel. Being aware of your emotions surrounding your interactions with others will give you the information you need to determine when you need to put the brakes on things. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable, or upset, it’s time to communicate how you feel.
Set restrictions on your time
Your time is valuable, and even if you are generous to it, you must remember that not everyone deserves it. Be selective about who you give your time to and set restrictions on how much time you will give others. That way it is much healthier.
Take some time for yourself
There should be time just for you every day and more time just for you when you have days off. These times are non-negotiable and should not be given to anyone with whom you really do not want to spend your time. Although there may be occasional extenuating circumstances, for the most part, you should be able to have this time for a little time to yourself.
Improve verbal limit setting
Learning to communicate your time limits is important, especially with toxic people who will find ways to interpret any no-negatives as an agreement. “I have to go to dinner in ten minutes, so let’s make it quick”, “I’m tied up now, but we can talk after work”, “I don’t want to do that tonight”, or “I have previous commitments this weekend” are examples. of ways to set clear limits on your time.
2. You are repeating old patterns
The patterns you saw and experienced growing up are the ones you are most likely to recreate. The common joke of people who constantly choose to go out or surround themselves with toxic people is a stereotype because, many times, it is true, and that is according to studies!
This is especially true for intimate relationships. He learns his attachment style based on how he is grouped, who raised him, and the environment he saw as a child. Good, respectful, loving, unconditional, and accepting environments and circumstances will lead to the formation of a secure attachment. Negative environments and circumstances, on the other hand, have negative effects on attachment. These negative circumstances may involve unsafe environments, abandonment by those you love and trust, or parent figures who were negligent, critical, abusive, or cold.
You may wonder why you would recreate toxic patterns if you hated being in them. Well, it turns out that may be the whole problem. These toxic patterns are the only example of love and comfort you grew up with. You unconsciously choose people who continue to provide you with these sources of maladaptive comfort, even if it hurts because that is what is familiar to you and what you feel comfortable operating within.
If you tend to attract a lot of toxic people and they tend to be attracted to them too, it’s time to consider their backgrounds. What type of attachment style do you have? What was it like growing up? This is often something that requires the help of a professional, but there are a few ways that you can begin to repair this damage on your own. Learning how to undo these patterns will help repel them. Here are some tips:
Think of all the people in your life who were found to be toxic. What were your key personality traits, both good and bad? If he seemed to have a type, what type was that? Remember, these binding factors may not be as obvious as they seem. Person A may have been very affectionate while Person B was distant, which makes them seem very different. But maybe they were both too critical, or maybe they both tried to monopolize his time, or they both could have taken things personally very quickly and easily.
Compare parental and family patterns
Once you find the first patterns, think about your family situation or the circumstances of your upbringing. What traits of those patterns are you still looking for in the people around you today? These traits can be a mix of negatives and positives.
Find the triggers you experience with the people around you
When meeting new people, especially those who will be approaching you, be it romantically, platonically, or even professionally, take note of what seems to spark your interest in them. What is based on the attachment patterns you have? What do you see in people that triggers that familiarity?
Please understand that it is not broken
There is nothing wrong with you from what you feel and experience. There’s a reason this kind of repeated pattern-seeking is so well studied and researched – it’s the way the human mind reacts to negative attachment styles in childhood. You are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you, and you deserve better than being stuck in this pattern forever. As soon as you realize that, you can repel toxic people much more easily.
Being overly nice sounds like a good thing at first until you realize that it is something toxic that people love because they can take advantage of it. No, there is nothing wrong with being nice or nice in general, of course, but there are things that are called too nice and too nice. That’s what happens when you don’t have enough limits set and people can walk on you. This is not a positive trait: it is a sign that you have to learn and grow.
This can also imply an inherent belief in humanity. That kind of positive thinking is admirable, but unfortunately, although there are many good and wonderful people in the world, there are also bad ones, and those bad ones are the toxic people you are trying to repel. Those toxic people want you to be too nice to them because then they take advantage of you.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you tend to believe in the good of all, even when you see evidence to the contrary?
- Do you believe that everyone is redeemable, no matter how questionable or toxic their actions are?
- Are you prone to ignoring the toxic behavior of others, forgiving them too easily, or persisting in showing them above-average kindness?
- Do you maintain relationships and friendships because you believe that other people can change?
- Do you let optimism and positive thinking dictate how you see others?
There is nothing wrong with being optimistic or believing that others can be better. However, a line must be drawn. You shouldn’t put up with abuse, toxicity, and negativity just for the sake of helping those who have hurt you on their path to self-improvement. Ultimately, you cannot fix others, they are the only people who can fix themselves.
Its high tolerance to toxicity gives it an advantage to repel them. It means that you can be less susceptible to the trash they throw out and that they won’t hurt you emotionally when you stand up for yourself either. So how do you repel toxic people when you have a history of being overly nice? Here are some tips:
Listen to your instincts
You can ignore thoughtful concerns about the people you surround yourself with because you want to believe in their goodness. Don’t do that right away. The human body has its forms of intuitively feeling even a minor danger, and that capacity increases if someone has caused you damage that you may not have registered before. Being wiser will help you repel toxic people.
Learn to be selfish
When you’ve spent your entire life being too selfless, it’s hard to see selfishness as something you want to be. But selfishness can be positive in the right circumstances. You have to take care of yourself and prioritize yourself most of the time, and you can’t keep taking chances for people who would never do the same for you. Toxic people will be repelled by your obvious self-care, as they cannot take advantage of you.
· Set limits
At the end of the day, setting clear boundaries that put your safety and comfort first is the best way to repel toxic people. Toxic people hate limits that are properly enforced because it deprives them of the ability to be toxic to you.
Final thoughts on some reasons you attract toxic people and ways to repel them
There are toxic people everywhere, and if you attract them, it’s time to end that negativity. You deserve better than being constantly at the mercy of people who don’t treat you well. Learn what you are doing that attracts them and from there you can also figure out how to repel them.