One of the most durable parts of a committed relationship is that you and your partner are best friends. They complement each other in many ways and are mutually supportive. However, what do you do when your partner doesn’t like your friends?
According to research published by the National Library of Medicine, friendship plays a vital role in your well-being. Human beings have evolved as social creatures and have a fundamental need for companionship. The study mentions that camaraderie is a fundamental component of happiness.
Ways to solve problems between your partner and friends
You are in a troublesome situation if you are between your lover and your friends. As long as you are in love with your partner, you don’t want to destroy years of cherished friendships. If your partner doesn’t like your friends, here are ten suggestions that can resolve the conflict.
1. Find the underlying problems
Whenever there is a conflict in your personal or professional life, not everything is what it seems. Once you start talking to opposing sides and doing some research, you may discover underlying issues. Some may be so obvious that you never noticed them and others more hidden.
You know that your partner doesn’t care about your friends, but do you know why? They may be withholding information from you or holding a grudge against the past. Maybe it has more to do with your love relationship than any problem with your friends.
2. Is your partner jealous of your friends?
This recommended step can be a slippery slope, but it is essential to know. You will need to be honest with yourself if you suspect that your partner cannot stand his friends due to jealousy. When you go out with your friends, does your partner get angry and critical?
They may be jealous of your time for good reason. Do you spend most of your free time running with your best friends and rarely with your partner? Maybe they feel lonely and betrayed because they are always last on your list.
If this is the case, it is understandable that your partner feels belittled and bitter. However, if your partner expects you to spend every second with her and is irrationally jealous, there is a problem. You may be in a relationship with a controlling and toxic person, and it will be wise to go out.
3. What do you say about your friends?
You have probably known your friends for a long time. Maybe they even grew up together and shared many experiences. Therefore, you have the upper hand and your lover may only be familiar with what you say.
If your partner doesn’t like your friends, listen to how you talk about them next time. Do you mention them in a positive way or do you share all the things you can’t bear about them? Have you ever lost confidence and told your partner things about your friends that they trusted you wouldn’t repeat?
It is impossible to erase something that you already said and your partner overheard. However, you can try to control the damage. It can involve apologies to both your partner and your colleagues.
Have you painted a skewed picture of who your friends are? Since that’s all your person can have for reference, it’s no wonder they think badly of your best friends. The only way to fix this situation is by letting them meet their friends for a more accurate assessment.
4. Have you gotten over old friends?
Sometimes you hold on to old friends out of obligation. If you’ve known each other for years and have been through a lot together, it’s hard to admit that they may have grown apart. It is normal and does not mean that either of you is a terrible person.
Perhaps one of the reasons why your partner doesn’t like your friends is that you have lost interest in them too. Unless you have a strong bond, time and distance can cause friends to split. They rarely spend time together or talk, so it’s the natural course.
It’s not like you’re “giving up” on a friendly relationship. They have simply distanced themselves and gone their separate ways. However, if you are involved in a toxic friendship with other people and your partner finds out, you have the right to walk away.
5. Be patient
Remember the old phrase about the good things that come to people who wait? If your partner doesn’t like your friends, maybe you should give them more time? According to a study cited by the National Library of Medicine, people often form impressions of others by their physical appearance.
Such personal judgment is not always accurate. Have you ever met someone and your first impression of him turned out to be wrong? It takes time to get to know people for who they are, not who they appear to be. So, be patient with your partner and get to know your friends better.
It is difficult to be between a person you love and lifelong friends. If your partner doesn’t like your friends, you usually become the mediator. You must make sure you listen to both sides.
Maybe your partner doesn’t care about your friends for good reason. If you don’t listen to them or deny it, you will never know. In fairness, you should listen to what both parties have to say.
Active listening involves open body language, reflecting on the emotions of the speakers, and reiterating what they have said. It is the best way to avoid misunderstandings.
7. Have a group discussion
The best way to resolve a conflict between your lover and your best friends is to bring it all out into the open. Consider meeting on neutral ground and letting each side speak up. Everyone can be surprised if there has been a long series of misunderstandings and misunderstandings.
Usually these situations are mild and there are no strong emotions involved. However, if your partner dislikes your friends a lot or has a history of confrontation, your group discussion may be more difficult. In this case, it is better to talk to both parties separately.
8. Learn to Commit
After having a group discussion and listening to both parties, you may not like everything you hear. However, confrontation can be the tool that helps solve some problems. Otherwise, it’s okay to agree to disagree.
Maybe you’ve reached a dead end that makes you realize that your partner and friends will never be around. Unless either side is toxic to you, you don’t need to choose one over the other. It is possible to love yourself and keep your other friends.
When making a commitment, you also set some ground rules. Your friends will support your love relationship and be courteous to your partner. Rather, you will ask your partner to support your relationship with your best friends for a long time.
9. Create more occasions to meet
Often times, your partner dislikes your friends because they don’t really know each other. The best remedy for that is to make yourself a part of your social circle. The next time you meet your partners for dinner or a movie, take your partner.
Consider inviting your friends more often, so your partner feels more relaxed with them. Ideally, a couple has mutual friendships. However, cultural or ideal differences can make it difficult. The only way to know is if you bring everyone together.
10. make some tough decisions
Staying between your lover and your best friends can drain you mentally and emotionally. If you’ve tried to be a peacemaker and nothing has worked, you have some tough decisions to make. Consider what you have learned from the discussions.
You should try to put your emotions aside and reevaluate your relationships. What if your friends and your lover collide because they have been trying to warn you that your lover is toxic? It is not about choosing your friends over your partner, but that you are choosing your best interests.
If your partner is acting out of jealousy and has control problems, listen to your friends and say goodbye. It is a difficult call and you should know that your colleagues are acting out of love and for your well-being. However, this is an extreme case.
On the other hand, what if your partner doesn’t like your friends because they are toxic and you are too close to notice? Good friends will support you of your love relationship when they see that you are happy and appreciated. Those who get jealous or try to sabotage you and your partner are not real friends, so dismiss them.
There are no rules that say that your partner and your friends should be one big happy family. However, it makes life a little easier when you can at least be courteous. It is up to you to offer the olive branch and see what happens.