Most people struggle to learn to increase self-esteem at some point, feeling that they will never live up to the standards of society. The world constantly tells us who we should be, and with so many mixed messages, we get lost. No matter where we look, it seems someone has a different opinion to offer. Where do we end and where do we begin? How can we increase our self-esteem so that we are not affected by confusing and relentless messages from society?
Dragana Komadina believes that he has found the answer to how to accept himself as he really is.
A life full of insecurities
She says: “I didn’t even know what self-esteem was at 13 years old. I was blissfully oblivious to myself, riding my bike until dark, with my ponytail undone, my jeans and my fingernails dirty with grime. Then 14 happened and I realized that absolutely everything was wrong with me. “
As Dragana grew older, she began to feel more insecure of herself. He looked around at his companions, wondering how he could win their attention or their validation. His self-esteem depended on his opinions of her, and it never felt good enough in his eyes.
“I started to compare myself with others and I was not up to par. I remember trying to tell my mother how bad I felt about myself. “
She further explained: “I moaned for my legs, I hated my legs. I wished they were slim instead of thick and muscular as they were. “
Her complaints about herself didn’t end there either. It was meticulously analyzed, finding more flaws than it knew how to handle.
“I became obsessed with my malnourished breasts and cringed at my dark brown hair.” She said: “I felt bland and overlooked, and it all came out bubbling when I was with my mom. I wanted her to listen to me and comfort me, but my mother didn’t want any of that. “
Some tips from your mother on how to increase self-esteem
As much as Dragana cried and begged her mother to listen to her, she didn’t want to hear him. Instead, her mother interrupted her, venting and speaking of herself with a powerful message.
“In a cutting way and with a high-pitched tone that only an Eastern European woman can perfect, she would say:“ Don’t talk about my daughter that way! ”.
Dragana knew he meant well, but he just wanted his mother to understand his feelings. Her mother continued to refer to her in the third person when she mentioned her insecurities. Rather than letting her daughter focus on her problems, she wanted to teach her a different way of dealing with them.
“Then she would fix my sagging posture by telling me to roll my shoulders back, chin up, and eyes forward. It was very frustrating, but what choice did I have? I stopped complaining and stood up, ”she recalls.
A year later, Dragana noticed that her more confident demeanor had caught the attention of others. When school started again, all of her male friends suddenly seemed to treat her differently. They flirted with her and even asked her on dates, to her surprise. All this attention from guys her age made her feel good, giving her a huge boost in her self-esteem.
Increased self-esteem improved her confidence.
“I admit I let the external validation make my head spin a bit, and even though I wasn’t ready to go on a date, I got completely soaked and encouraged intention,” she said. Her mother, on the other hand, thought she had been too comfortable with the attention. Wanting to bring her back to Earth for a bit, he reinforced the lesson he had previously taught his daughter. After a couple of weeks of letting Dragana rejoice, she chimed in with her wise words “in the style of a real mom”.
“My nose had risen too high to the sky for his liking, and he unceremoniously brought me down there. He told me to lower my nose so that others could see it and to put my shoulders back and eyes forward. “
Her mother wanted to show Dragana that her behavior shouldn’t change no matter what people said about her. If you didn’t notice it, your confidence shouldn’t decrease because no one saw it as valuable. On the other hand, if people gawked at her and praised her, she shouldn’t let this go to her head. Your self-esteem should remain unchanged regardless of the circumstances.
“When I was younger, I wanted my mother understand my insecurities And let me wallow in them Looking back now, I’m sure she understood; what prevailed was his desire to teach me a magic trick. Stand up straight, eyes forward. Know the world, make the world know you.
Show your mind that you are worthy even when you doubt yourself. Let your allies, your mentors, and your true friends find you. Telegraph to your enemies that you are a warrior when challenged. Don’t let your inner world, or the outer world, tell you something that doesn’t work for you. “
Now, Dragana realizes the power of her mother’s lessons. She knows that her worth lives within her, not somewhere outside of her. You don’t need validation from others to realize your own beauty.
“When mentally I felt unworthy, ill-equipped, unlovable, my body never assumed that doubt, and you know, it really saved me more than once. When you keep your shoulders back and your eyes forward, you can know the world and the world can find you. Take your self-esteem in your bones and become immune to the environment in which you find yourself ”, advises Dragana.
Final thoughts: it’s your turn to boost your self-esteem
Even if everyone around you ignores you, you will not need their attention while in your power. Recognize yourself without needing to feel better than others. If you accept yourself as you are, you will help others to feel comfortable accepting themselves as well. A person with high self-esteem invites everyone around them to feel worthy as well.
“My posture has been a constant reminder of my self-worth and the value of others. All that in the magical sweet spot of these 10 degrees ”, says Dragana while pointing to the space between his shoulders. “Try it and make the world know you.”