Have you ever played with someone who was a big loser? No matter how fair the game is, they pout and get mad that they didn’t win. There is no way you can always win in life or at a board game, but what makes these people go overboard just because they apparently lost?
Maybe you know someone who’s not a good loser, or maybe you are yourself. The root of this problem is possibly due to anxiety disorders, and there is a way to deal with it. For example, a person may be competitive, but when you add an anxiety disorder like GAD or PTSD to the mix, it can cause the person to tip the scales toward dramatic behavior.
Is perfectionism at the crux?
Some people want to be perfect in everything they do. They tend to think too much about everything, which only causes them great emotional distress. Perfectionism is an urge to be perfect in everything you do, and you can see why this is an unrealistic goal.
There is no way that a person can achieve complete perfection in his life. Having this mindset only sets you up for failure. Suppose Sally just received a rejection letter from the college of her choice. Although her grades were good and her application was unique, she was not chosen.
Sally didn’t know how to handle being told “no” and having her application rejected. Overcome with pain and feeling like a failure, Sally grabbed a pillow from her bed and screamed as loud as she could.
Clearly, rejection hurts deeply. In fact, you are so overwhelmed by emotions that you don’t know how to deal with them effectively.
The self-esteem of a winner and a loser
Each person classifies himself as a winner or a loser in life. Use all your experiences to create this scorecard in your mind that shows you if you lose more than you win.
Some families are more competitive than others and that can drive an individual’s need to win. If you look deeply into the person’s inner being and see what they think and feel, you will find that the loser mentality has spoiled your esteem.
Every goal this person fails to achieve and every failure that occurs adds another notch on his belt of things that he has messed up in life. You can see that after some losses, you can do something to your faith in yourself and your skills.
Fear to fail
Anxiety and fear are words that can be used congruently, as they mean the same thing. When you’ve taken a few hits in life, you may develop a fear of failure. You may be so afraid of failing that you won’t try anything new.
Carson works as a janitor at a local high school. He is one of the happiest people around and most people love him. However, few know that Carson has a college degree and can earn much more money than he can.
Carson stays at his job because he feels comfortable there. He struggles to make ends meet, but is so afraid of failing that he never goes beyond his comfort level. For him, the prospect of receiving a rejection letter or the hint that he was not “good enough” terrifies him.
Instead of facing this rejection, he stands still. Does this make Carson a sore loser? The outside world may view your choices as strange because you will never have anything in life if you don’t take some risks; however, you are only playing it safe.
Something may have happened to him that made him what he is today. You could have rejection or even abuse that is fueling your anxieties.
When the past dictates the future
Liz was a bright and lively person. Around the time he turned 30, he began to experience problems with his nerves. He went to the doctor because the anxiety became so severe that he could not function as before.
The doctor went through her paperwork and asked a question that shocked Liz to the core. The doctor said, “Was your abuse physical, verbal, or sexual?” Lizz didn’t know how to answer because this was something she kept hidden. Her father verbally abused her.
With each hit about her weight, laziness, and all the other things he said to her, she grew more anxious in her interactions with the audience. She was afraid that everyone would think the things her father did for her.
The key here is that this person who comes off as a sore loser when he fails again is channeling negative energy from the past. According to Harvard HealthYour past can dictate your future, especially when the abuse occurs as a child during those critical formative years.
For Liz, the abuse she suffered as a child was not common knowledge and she had done her best to keep those past torments hidden. However, she couldn’t get over what had happened to her as it changed her way of thinking about herself.
Like Liz, you may be a big loser, but you need to find the heart of the problem. If you were abused as a child and it altered your perception of your abilities, you could work with these things in counseling.
Sore loser or spoiled brat?
The term “spoiled brat” is undoubtedly harsh, but it is a term that could be used to identify many people. Discipline methods They have changed in recent years, and some parents are afraid to pass any correction on to their children because they want to keep them happy.
Someone who is a big loser can just be spoiled. Suppose you are playing a board game with your children. Everyone is having a great time until their daughter, Nellie, loses. He gets so angry that he throws the board game and all the components around the kitchen.
Nellie has never been abused, does not have a bad image of herself and is a complete child. The other obvious problem here is that Nellie is spoiled. She is a sore loser because she has been given and indulged so much in life that she hopes to win.
While you certainly don’t know why you are acting this way, the worst thing you can do is not correct the behavior. You must force her to resume the game and apologize for her actions. If you don’t fix this mindset, she will grow up and go through life with similar tantrums when things don’t go her way, causing her significant problems.
Learn to be nice
Fortunately, you can learn to be a good loser. Have you ever seen one of those beauty pageants on TV where all the girls gather around the queen? When it comes to the last two contestants, they are both nervous standing hand in hand. Or they wrap their arms around each other.
When the winner is announced, the runner-up always looks as happy for the other girl as he would be if he had won. They hug, share smiles and the “loser” is escorted off stage. Do you really think that girl was happy when she lost?
She could have been boiling with anger below because all the hard work you put into the contest was wasted. She wanted to win and be the queen, but now she is going home with the runner-up title. The key here is that this lady was a funny loser.
No matter how much it hurts to see someone else take the crown home, he never let it show on his face. He knew that everyone was watching and there were cameras on his face. Therefore, he did not dare to do anything but smile and cry along with the winner.
Life should be a lot like these contests. So when your boss turns you down for a deserved raise or promotion, congratulate the one who got it. Then go home and cry in private. Losing hurts and there is no way around it, but what counts is what you do with those failures.
Are you a funny loser or do you tend to be more painful? It would be helpful if you found out what drives these actions so that you can correct them. According to Neuroscience News, a loser’s behaviors often display negative personality traits and cognitive dissonance, which need to be addressed.
While no one likes to lose, you don’t have to fall apart when things don’t go your way. You can learn to overcome the problems that make you so afraid of failure.