If you have a partner, it is normal to have a difference of opinion at times. It is also a fact that both of you will use gentle persuasion to get your lover to change their mind. But even when you do your best to be persuasive, it is still within the bounds of love and respect.
The manipulative partner does not care less about your opinions and will use everything in their power to control you. According to an article published by the North American Psychiatric ClinicsManipulative and toxic relationships are often a sign of a narcissistic personality.
Red flags that you are being manipulated
Having meaningful conversations about differences of opinion support a healthy relationship. If one of the partners is a manipulator, the results are detrimental to the entire well-being of the other. Here are 12 red flags that will show you the difference between gentle persuasion and cruel manipulation.
If you are a sports fanatic, you have probably heard of the advantage of playing at home. It’s the psychological boost of confidence you feel when you play on your lawn. Manipulators are the same way; they seem to work best when you are in their territory.
Those who use persuasion don’t care where they are discussing problems. Be on the lookout when someone insists that you be at their home or office before you can have a meaningful conversation. They expect you to feel disadvantaged when you are in their space.
2. They use your words against you
Another classic tool of manipulative people is that they are masters at twisting the truth. Manipulators are excellent listeners, but not because they care what you say. They hold on to each phrase to determine their next move.
When you least expect it, they will take your words and conversations out of context to use against you. They will tip you a bit to make you look like a fool or a liar. If the ruse works, you may end up agreeing with them.
3. They move too fast in a relationship.
When someone is gently persuasive and wants a closest relationship with you, they don’t mind taking the time. Whether or not you believe in love at first sight, successful relationships are not built overnight. However, a manipulator with a hidden agenda works fast to please you.
Are they too delicate before you know them well? You may have already been declared a partner before you have considered it. Are they making big plans while wondering about a second date?
4. Twist the facts to your advantage
Persuasive people don’t have to lie to prove something. However, manipulators thrive by twisting facts and conversations to make their opinions seem credible. They are also not above lying to secretly make you look like the bad guy and make them the saints.
For example, suppose you plan an outing with your friends and the handler is not happy about it. It can twist the words of one of your friends or make up a reason why you shouldn’t go on your adventure. They can also exaggerate the facts to make them seem worse, so you will always be on their side.
5. They try to outsmart you.
Someone once said that no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Education, experiences, and talents were meant to be used as gifts and never as weapons to hurt people. Many manipulative people Try to use your experiences and credentials to dominate or demean others.
Create a toxic relationship that can make simple conversations seem like a battle. Is your partner trying to act intellectually superior to you? When they try to force their opinions, they may try to use their education as a lever.
Instead, those who use persuasion value their intellect, experience, and skill. They appeal precisely to their intelligence to decide on a personal or professional relationship. Manipulators do their best to make their methods better than yours.
6. They constantly criticize you
A true lover brings out the best in you and offers sincere praise for your accomplishments. When you are with them, you feel loved, worthy, and appreciated. If you are being manipulated, your self esteem can be quickly depleted due to the toxic environment. Manipulative people attract attention by belittling those around them, especially their loved ones.
It is normal for a couple to argue and throw some criticism. Some of the complaints may be false, but others legitimate. A manipulator is quick to criticize everything he does and speaks. The plan is to finish you off until you feel too stupid and unworthy to say “no.”
No one is above using some blame tactics to get their point across to someone else. However, people who easily feel guilty about doing things they don’t want to can be targets of manipulators. Are toxic personalities They are virtual travel agents for guilt trips.
If your lover is using persuasion, it will highlight the positive aspects of their opinions. Manipulators rely heavily on guilt and provocation. They generally have a good memory and can use any past mistakes against you so that you don’t dare to speak for yourself.
8. They don’t validate your concerns or feelings.
Someone who loves you and cares about your well-being will empathize with your feelings. Even if your perception is a little off, no one has the right to tell you how to feel or think about things. A true lover will validate their feelings as important and worthy of being heard.
Don’t expect such well-deserved courtesy from a manipulative partner. No matter your emotions or how passionate you feel about a topic, they will completely ignore you. They will drop a scripted list of reasons why your feelings are unrealistic, petty, selfish, and worthless.
9. make indirect jokes and compliments
Shakespeare wisely wrote that many truths are joked. Toxic and manipulative people have the biased idea that an insult can be denied by saying “just kidding.” They don’t care that they’re the only ones laughing.
“Hey, I thought you said you lost weight. Just kidding. “These tormenting personalities use ambiguous compliments. What may seem like a compliment at first is a disguised insult. If you are dealing with such manipulative abuse, understand that it is cruel and has nothing to do with your sense of humor.
10. They usually play the martyr card
A martyr is one of the four personality archetypes explained by an article published in the Journal of the General Systems Research Society. Unfortunately, manipulative people are talented actors when it comes to persecution. The only difference is that they are pretending and only looking for your benefit.
They know how to make long, sad expressions and speak in a grim, long-suffering tone. How could you decide something on your own after everything they have done for you? They have memorized any little acts of kindness that they have offered you, plus a few. They know how to turn the tables to make it seem like you are taking advantage of their generous and loving nature.
Like most actors, manipulators do their best in front of a crowd. They can quickly modify the conversation to make you look bad in front of your friends or family. These award-winning acts are also meant to get more support for them and less for you.
11. They are always better
In every group of family, friends, or co-workers, almost everyone has that irritating person who is a “superior.” It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or seen, they’ve done or seen better. If someone is bold enough to mention an achievement, be on the lookout for the flood of “better than” statements.
It’s even worse in a toxic relationship when your lover is trying to manipulate you. They will often try to downplay any of your skills or accomplishments to make you regress. After all, they think they are better at everything, including managing their life.
12. They are engaged in gas lighting
This term was coined from an iconic film starring Ingrid Bergman. According to the story, her character’s husband was a manipulator and tried to make her think that he was losing his mind. I’d do little things like leave the gas lights on downstairs and convince her that she forgot to turn them off.
This eponymic trick is still a favorite of manipulative people. They may try to put words in your mouth or make you appear unbalanced in front of others. All the time, they act out with false sympathy while continuing to erode your confidence and independence.
When your person uses persuasion, you can change your mind and feel good later. However, subtle manipulation can use verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, and you may not even realize it. If you are in a toxic relationship with a manipulative person, your next independent decision may be to walk out the door.