Do you and your spouse have marital problems? Marriage is the union of two souls for eternity. What starts out as a fairy tale soon takes a hit because being with someone 24/7 comes with many challenges.
The best partners stick together and don’t give up no matter what comes their way. Unfortunately, statistics show that 42-45 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Although the numbers seem staggering, it is much better than in previous years.
Not mentioned in the equation if more people live together without getting married or if they get married is reserved for those with old-fashioned beliefs. Some give marriage a derogatory old “ball and chain” term because you are tied to another person for life. You must consider this other person in everything you do.
Sometimes love is not enough to weather some of the marital problems people face today. Ask anyone who has been married for a while and they will tell you that many times they have wanted to leave. There are times when you don’t want to talk, times when you pack your bags and walk out the door, and times when you contemplate why you got married in the first place.
However, these times are considered a normal part of marriage, and you will soon overcome these feelings and return to marital happiness.
Common marriage problems
In any marriage, there will be problems, but the good must outweigh the bad. What are the most common marriage problems that people face, and are the things that you and your spouse discuss normal? Here are the 12 most popular discussions among couples.
Infidelity it is one of the most common problems in a marriage, and it is also the reason many marriages end. Some people have a hard time being faithful to a partner. Whether you’ve been married for two or twenty years, there will be times when you will seek comfort and friendship outside of the union.
Some people are simply sexual beings and cannot imagine sharing their lives and beds with one person for life. Instead, others fall into these situations by chance. Infidelity is quite commonaccording to relationship therapists, especially with internet dating and online chat rooms. Cheating seems to be the norm for some people, while overcoming this marital problem is quite difficult.
Trust is the foundation of any good marriage, and without it, your union is in trouble. Know that every word that comes out of your partner’s mouth is the truth, as it brings much comfort and security. When one of the partners is not trustworthy, it is impossible to believe what they say.
They may lie about where they are, who they have been with, or how much money they have spent. When one person tells numerous lies, it can significantly affect the marriage.
Another common reason marriages end is due to finances. For most couples, lack of money it’s a great topic that a lot of people discuss. Sometimes couples disagree on who will handle finances, how or where money will be spent, and lack of savings.
Cash problems can put a lot of pressure on people, and it is one of the most common problems people face. Given the downtrodden economy, it seems that financial arguments are becoming more prevalent.
In-laws can support or disrupt your union. Often the mother-in-law gets a bad rap because she can’t seem to let go of her son or daughter. Boundaries and ground rules should be established with in-laws who want to control the marriage.
While it can be a blessing to have a great extended family that is supportive and helpful in life, those that are authoritative and controlling can ruin your marriage.
5. Household responsibilities
Who washes the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the litter box, and does the thousand other things that need to be done at home? It’s pretty silly, but fights over housework make the list of marital problems number one. Gone are the days when the man went to work and the woman stayed at home and took care of all the household needs.
These days, since both people work, a 50/50 effort is required at home. If a person neglects their duties, they can be a major source of contention.
Children are a gift from above, but they can also cause a lot of pain in a marriage. Often times, arguments can come into play about who will transport children to sporting events and when one parent feels the other is not spending enough time with the children. Another bone of contention is disciplinary styles.
One parent may be relatively lax when it comes to discipline, while another believes in a strict military-type method. Parenting styles can cause a lot of problems in any relationship.
Jobs take at least 40 hours a week out of a person’s life. However, there are times when people marry more to their work than to their spouse. Some people tend to be obsessed with work, while others want to do their job and go home.
Having a demanding career that takes up a lot of family time can be a great source of stress. Another common problem is when a job requires a person to travel away from home to share daily responsibilities.
An article in the Marriage and family journal warns that careers challenge relationships. They advise couples to prioritize spending time with each other to overcome this concern.
8. Bad communication
Life is chaotic and hectic, and many people have poor communication because they do not have time to inform their spouse about their life. You need to know what happened in your spouse’s time and anything important that is happening. When they keep you out of the loop, you are giving an input for someone else to come in and listen to all their problems.
Poor communication is a major problem when it comes to kids, houses and careers. Your spouse should be your best friend and the person you tell everything to.
9. Values and beliefs
The values and morals your parents instilled in you are still an active part of your life today. While some of your thoughts and feelings have transformed over time, you still hear your mother or father come out of your mouth during certain situations. Religion would be a big problem for many, especially if you were both raised in different religions.
Many people think that Sunday is Saturday, while others observe it on Saturday. Some people will not buy or sell anything on Saturday, and others believe that you cannot work on that day. All of these beliefs add to major problems when opinions are not shared.
Outside of religion, simple things about how children should be raised, Christmas traditions, and even how towels are folded can cause arguments. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and it can be worrying when the other person doesn’t give an inch in their methods.
10. Stages of life
Have you heard of a midlife crisisand it is something that can cause problems in your marriage. It can be an especially significant problem when there is a greater age difference between the couple. You go through various cycles in life as you try to discover your place in life as you age.
Often times, it can be a considerable source of contention between you and your partner, especially if your crisis involves buying the iconic sports car that many make to regain their youth.
Always take out your frustrations with the people closest to you. If your spouse is in your line of fire, then it can feel like a punching bag when the day is done.
Stress can kill you, warn doctors and counselors. Furthermore, it can also cause great tension between you and your partner. It is important not to let the problems of the day ruin your relationship with those who mean the most.
12. The green-eyed monster
Do any of you have a jealousy problem? When one of the partners is jealous, the other may feel like he or she lives in jail. They can question your every move, monitor your phone calls, and even accuse you of cheating.
Jealousy can be a major problem that can destroy your relationship because it’s always about a spouse with insecurities. A partner can be so jealous of your time that they don’t even like you being with your kids.
They want to monopolize every minute of yours and think that any extra time you have should be spent with them. This mindset is very irrational and can make it extremely difficult for the person living with a jealous spouse.
Human beings are fallible, so any relationship they have will be problematic. However, it is the healthy couple who know how to overcome obstacles in their marriage that can survive for decades. Think of your union as a garden.
A marriage must be cultivated and given time to flourish. You will have to deal with some weeds and purge some of the dying vegetation, but soon you will have something of value.
Marriage is about giving and receiving, and growing and learning together. When a couple walks down the aisle for the first time, they have no idea what it really means to be together forever, and many of them have no idea about love.
However, after they weather a few storms together, they will soon learn that they are more powerful together as a united force than apart. Marriage problems are part of the course and are excellent learning experiences.