It’s easy to resent when you’ve been seriously hurt. Perhaps someone said something offensive that hurt your feelings, or there was an action that caused you great mental pain.
When you get so mad that you feel anger and bitterness Inside, it can cause a toxic condition that allows resentment to creep in.
What exactly is resentment and how is it different from anger? When you resent someone, you think of a situation that was very painful for you. You can’t let what happened, so you develop anger towards them. The biggest problem is that this event can cause you to distrust people in the future, and you may lack compassion for others due to a mistake.
You must overcome these feelings and forgive the other person; even if you don’t do it for them, you must do it yourself. Allowing this toxic negativity dwelling in your heart will only cause you more complications in the future.
Overcome resentful feelings
When you have been wronged, it is normal to be upset and angry. However, it would be helpful to let it go no matter how serious the offense is. Now, you should know that letting it go does not mean that you have to be the person’s best friend.
It simply means that you choose to forgive so that it doesn’t cause you emotional problems. What if your best friend had an affair with your spouse? You should accept the situation and forgive this person, but that does not mean that you should remain friends. Sometimes a line is drawn as some offenses cause irreparable harm.
If you’re ready to put your feelings of antipathy behind you, here are some tips to help you sort through the issues.
1. Write it down
Maybe you have a list of people who have hurt you and hurt you. Get a journal and write what happened, when it happened and why does it hurt so much. Expressing your feelings on paper will show you precisely what you need to work on, and you can think of this as your roadmap to begin the healing process.
2. Find the root cause
There may be some problems that are causing you pain in your life. Therefore, you should choose the one that causes the most resentful feelings first. Now, you must identify why this situation is hurting you so much.
If you lost a job and it was because of someone else’s mistake, then you are mad at them because they got you fired. Find out why the offense hurts so much. In this case, it’s easy to see that you are upset that your income and livelihood were affected by someone else.
3. Identify if you played any role
Did you have any role in this person’s actions? For example, if your spouse had an affair, it was because you were ignoring their needs after they had told you about a problem several times. Now there is never an excuse for infidelityBut if you were not in a good place with your partner, then you must own whatever role you have had.
4. Are you angry with the person or the situation?
Sometimes people get more angry with a situation than the person involved, and the individual becomes the scapegoat. This could happen if you were put aside for a job and were given to someone else in their office by management. You are not mad at that individual, but you are envious and jealous that they choose him over you.
In this case, it is not an individual problem, but an internal problem. You can channel your feelings towards this person when it has nothing to do with anything they have done to you directly.
5. Allow yourself to have feelings
Resentment and bitterness are powerful feelings, and if you try to push those feelings away, you can cause more harm than you think. It’s okay to be upset and you can work on it when you identify the problem.
Developing hatred or resentment is never good for you and may cause you to develop antisocial behaviors to avoid being hurt in the future. Take a moment to have a pity party, but know that you need to leave quickly.
6. Talk to a counselor or therapist
Mental health professionals deal with resentful people all day. You are not going to tell them something they haven’t heard before, nor will you surprise them in any way. They can help you see both sides of the situation, see what input you had on the matter, and help you find a solution.
Before confronting the person, you should speak to a trusted advisor about the matter and obtain the opinion of a third party.
7. Confront the individual
Now comes the most important part of your step toward healing your feelings of resentment. You must confront the person. This is very important because you release the feelings of negativity that you have and allow the positives to enter.
In many situations, the person may not even have realized that you were offended, which may be the case of a work problem. By confronting this person, you are being the bigger person and you apologize for any part you have had in the matter.
Why is it so hard to say you’re sorry? Human beings have a hard time admitting when they are wrong, but you must do this to heal these feelings of resentment.
Now that you’ve brought everything out and spoken to the person, it’s time to put this event behind you. If you continue to ruminate on the situation, then you will only continue to open a wound that has already begun to heal. If you need help in this area, you must learn to manage your thoughts.
• Stop looking at the past
Every time a negative idea or feeling comes up, you need to remind yourself that you are over it. If you consider the idea even for a short time, you are reopening the door to allow all kinds of problems to reappear. You have a bright future ahead of you, but you must stop looking at the past.
• Change your thought processes
If you are still obsessed with this situation or person, then you need to make a bold move to retrain your thinking. Sit down with your journal and write a list of all the redeeming qualities this person has to offer. Be honest with yourself and write nice things about this person.
Did you know that even the most unscrupulous and evil person still has at least one good quality? While that quality may not be easy to see from your looks, others may identify your good features.
• Forgive them
Forgiveness is a journey and it is not something you can do overnight. When you are ready, you must forgive this person. To truly forgive them means that you are no longer brooding over the event and are going to change your mind against them. Don’t be upset if it takes you six months or a year to get to this point, but you must realize that it is something that must be done for your sanity.
• Forgive yourself
When you forgive this person, you must also forgive yourself. If you participated in the situation or made things worse, you should put aside any bad feelings you have against yourself. Remember, you are always your worst critic.
• Gain spiritual understanding
When dealing with a distressing circumstance with resentful feelings, it is good to acquire spiritual understanding. It is always wise to seek help and understanding from a higher power. Did the situation happen to you to help someone else on your journey, or was there a lesson you needed to learn from all of this?
It is not only emotionally damaging but also spiritually devastating to harbor bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart. These feelings can prevent you from meeting your commitments and assignments while you are here on earth. Although you may feel like throwing in the towel, it’s time to let it go for the sake of your mind, body, and spirit.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you never got hurt or had to deal with resentful situations in life? Sadly, there will always be life-changing events that will make or break who you are as a person. Learning to forgive is an essential part of your life’s journey, making you a better person.
Remember, there will be a day when you need someone’s forgiveness for something you’ve done wrong. If you want others to forgive the mistakes you have made, you must extend the same forgiveness to them. Karma makes sure that the judgment you say always comes back to you, and you want to make sure that what it gives you back is nothing but good and kind things.