When someone hurts you, it can leave noticeable scars that will plague the rest of your life. There are some things you can recover from. But there are other ways that an injured person causes pain that is difficult to release.
You probably want to move on with the pain you are feeling. Forgiveness can be a great way to start, but not in the way you think! Here are six ways to forgive people who have hurt us so we can move on.
1. Think about the benefits
It sounds a bit selfish, but sometimes the best way to do something difficult is to remember that it benefits you. There is nothing wrong with using that as a motivator, especially when you are just starting out with your forgiveness travel. Here are some important effects of forgiveness to watch out for:
Resentment is a powerful and dangerous emotion, and it is capable of completely paralyzing your journey and preventing you from finding peace and moving on. Your emotional wounds cannot heal while holding on to pain, and sometimes those wounds can become “infected” by anger seeping into other areas of your life.
· It is good for health
Studies have long indicated positive links between health and forgiveness. This is because the act of forgiving someone relieves stress, which provides many benefits for your physical well-being. This includes reduced blood pressure, improved immunity, and better pain management. On the other hand, unhealthy resentment and anger can lead to heart problems, anxiety, and lowered self-esteem.
You can improve your relationships
Resentment towards a person changes the way you view people and human nature in the world. That negativity towards a single being that hurt you can infiltrate the relationships you share with everyone, even without you knowing it. Being compassionate to yourself and to those you hold a grudge for can change your perspective on life. positive, fostering healthier and happier relationships with other people in your life who are good for you.
May lead to positive reconciliation, if desired
Resentment can prevent you from reconciling with the person who hurt you. In some cases, this is not a problem, and it is your right not to want to “be nice” in the face of someone who has hurt you. But in others, you may want that reconciliation but don’t know how to do it. Getting started with forgiveness is a great way to do it, as it gives you and the other party the opportunity to learn, grow, and recover.
2. Reconsider your perspective on forgiveness
Many people believe that forgiveness involves giving in to the hostile treatment someone has treated you, actively forgiving it, or even downplaying its toxicity. This is not the case at all. Forgiveness is a complex subject and does not mean:
- Turning the other cheek
- Approve of someone’s actions
- Admitting faults or invalidating your emotions.
- Pretend something didn’t happen
- Opening up to future harm from the same person
- Let someone run over you
In fact, it’s the opposite! Forgiveness is not about letting someone get out of trouble. It is about finding the courage and strength to use your energy in something more productive and allow this act of toxicity Stay in the past as you go. For example, forgiveness may involve:
- Deciding to be happy instead of being angry.
- Refusing to be bound by past negativity that keeps you upset and hurting you.
- Freeing up your energy for more productive endeavors.
- Deciding that resentment no longer serves you.
- Have a clean slate for future interactions with other people or with new people.
- Choosing to move on instead of being held back.
When you realize that forgiveness is more about your personal healing than someone else’s, it is easier to understand that it is good for you.
3. Take responsibility
Taking responsibility does not necessarily mean blaming yourself for the harm caused by an injured person. Instead, it means remembering that your current actions and the actions you take for the rest of your life are up to you.
If you’ve held the resentment for so long, it can be hard to let it go, but your positive thinking it can be damaged when you cling to blaming others as a survival mechanism. So start taking some responsibility for your life so that you can begin to forgive. Here are some ways to do it:
Understand your emotions and rule out those who caused them
The feelings that come from being hurt are ones that you should take time to reflect and understand. Focusing too much on blaming those who caused these emotions can ruin your chances of working on self-reflection. So shift your mental focus and energy to just your feelings. Allow yourself to feel them, even if they hurt, and watch them. Then think about why those emotions are happening and tell yourself that it is okay to feel those feelings and that it is not “wrong” to have them. Finally, ask yourself how you can move forward with these emotions and how to positively calm them, then walk into your life with it.
Choose not to take it personally
This sounds difficult to do and, to be fair, it is. But there are terrible people all over the world, and if someone did something horrible to you, it is not a reflection of yourself. In fact, it probably had almost nothing to do with you. You were the unfortunate victim of the explosion of that person’s problems, and nothing they said or implied about you was reflected on you, it was their projection, and you don’t need to be offended by that.
If you contributed, accept it
There are many people who do hurtful things, and it is really only in them that you were affected. But there are also times when pain is born out of pain, or when two people hurt each other, and one person overwhelms each other first. If you contributed in any way to the circumstances in which someone hurt you, admit it and accept that fact. Reflect on how to improve in this area of your life and how to prevent repetitions. However, don’t go overboard with this. Acknowledging your part does not mean blaming yourself. It means looking at a situation objectively and rationally, and properly holding yourself and everyone else involved accountable.
4. Ask yourself questions that change your perspective about your relationship with the person who is suffering.
Changing your perspective is often key to finding forgiveness in yourself. This is because gaining a proper understanding of something or someone that hurt you can drastically change the way you’ve thought about that pain.
Ask yourself a few questions to get started, and then once you’ve answered any of them, follow the thought trails that lead you down and see if you find some great self-reflection within yourself.
Here are some questions to start a paradigm shift in how you think about the injured person:
- How would someone from outside looking at the situation see the situation?
- Is there a pattern here? Have I been hurt this way before, maybe even many times?
- Have I inflicted this damage on other people before?
- What was the perspective, right or wrong or none, of the person who hurt me?
- Does the person who hurt me have low emotional intelligence?
- Does the person who hurt me have significant personal problems or baggage that unfairly got rid of me, so it doesn’t reflect my character at all?
- Is there anything positive that you can get out of this?
- How have I grown from this pain?
- Have I let this pain steal things from me in my life?
- Does resentment and unforgiveness benefit me, or is it holding me back?
- What can I learn from this situation?
- Is my decision to hold onto this resentment that keeps the pain alive?
5. Let go of the victim mentality
Victim mentality It is a mentality in which you apologize for everything that happens to you and everything you do because you were a victim. You may even believe that you are continually being a victim to this day whenever something bad happens to you. You can say things like:
- “If that person hadn’t ruined my confidence, I would have gotten over that speech!”
- “I would have gone a lot further in life if they hadn’t held me.”
- “I’m just suffering all the time for the things they did to me.”
Pain inflicted by a hurtful person can cause deep wounds that are slow to heal. But it becomes impossible to heal when you assign all the problems in your life to that incident. You are a changed person, yes, but at some point, you need to learn who you are and take responsibility for moving your own life forward. Are you really going to let someone who hurt you stop you forever? It’s time to create productivity, not drama.
6. Work on positivity
Positive thinking is sometimes the best way to heal when you are struggling with such a painful and scarring issue as forgiveness. When you learn to see the world through a positive lens, you naturally find that forgiveness comes more easily. Here are some ways to promote positivity in your life:
Work towards your happiness
Someone’s hurtful actions shouldn’t stop you from progressing toward the things you love. Find joy in life and set goals for the specific achievements you want. It is never too late to start looking for your happiness in life again or to start finding it in lesser parts of your life.
Focus on the good things
There are good and bad parts of life. Learning to focus on the good things and even finding them among the bad can dramatically change the way you see the world. That kind of positive thinking can make you realize that resentment is not serving your life.
Do you harbor resentment toward yourself for the events that hurt you? Maybe you played a role in the events that led to it. You may feel guilty for struggling to forgive or for not being able to move on. Regardless, it is essential to forgive yourself. Learning to begin to forgive with yourself means that you know how to forgive others.
When considering the topic of forgiveness, it is important to keep in mind that it is a completely personal process. You don’t owe anyone your forgiveness, but you owe it to yourself. You don’t even need to tell an offending person that you forgive them if you don’t want to. But you have to tell yourself that you are moving forward and letting go of the resentment that stopped you. That, honestly, is more than enough.