Everyone has made a fair share of mistakes in their life, including you. Maybe some mistakes make you feel ashamed when you think about them, or those that make you laugh at the nonsense of your past self, or even those that make you feel nostalgic or sad when thinking about them. However, the most dangerous are the ones that stick around to haunt you long after they’re gone.
Regrets often form when a misstep you’ve made in the past is one that you can’t let go of. You ruminate on it, ponder all the ways it could have been different, and even idealize an alternate timeline where you did what you regret not having done, or vice versa. This can lead to a great deal of anxiety and, simply put, it can ruin your life. Here are four ways to live a spectacular life without regrets or anxiety.
1. Find the roots
Anxiety and regrets They are powerful, but what often makes them even more powerful is that you have no idea what their roots are. You can see the problem on the surface, you can understand that it is a problem, but you do not know what the basis of the problem is. Without that knowledge, how can you eliminate these feelings?
Here is an example. Let’s say you regret not accepting a specific job offer. You are obsessed with the fact that you could have had it because you would be making more money in a better position. This is a widespread regret, so look for its root. It’s easy enough to chase this one: it’s a missed opportunity in the heart of this pain. But here’s the thing: it seems like a missed opportunity to you now, in your current position. But was it back then?
Ask yourself these questions:
- Are you the same person then that you are now? The answer is probably “no”. And if “yes,” are you blaming this missed opportunity for your perceived lack of self-improvement? That guilt is out of place.
- Do you maintain the same values then as you do now? (For example, do you consider work the most critical priority now, but it was not before?) The answer is probably “no.” And if “yes”, have those values been serving your goals? What has prevented you from meeting your values?
- Do you have the same wishes now as before, or have you changed your goals? If the answer is “no,” it means that his former self would not have wanted that job. If the answer is “yes”, why have your objectives remained the same? They may need an update.
- Is it as simple as it makes it sound? They say hindsight is 20/20, but you are also more likely to remember the past favorably if you live with regret now. Consider the timing, personal issues, and mental space you were in when the opportunity first presented itself.
- What experiences have you missed by missing this opportunity? Why can’t you get those experiences now? Most likely you can!
Follow this similar line of questions when examining any regrets you feel and face. Remember, the present situation and the present are completely different from the old me and the old problem. Keep this in mind when wondering where these roots come from. You may find that your regret is no use to your wishes!
2. Develop Eudaimonia
Eudaimonia sounds like a complicated word, but its concept and meaning are simple and meaningful. It is a type of mindset that is one of the best ways to promote positive thinkingeven in the midst of periods of depression. As you can probably imagine, that kind of thinking is sure to help anxiety and regret.
So what exactly is eudaimonia? It refers to the state of maintaining control over powerful but irrational emotions. This means actively fighting the brain’s natural urges most of the time, safely putting your feelings behind rationality and self-confidence. The skill, when honed, allows you to channel your energy into more positive pathways such as problem solving, emotional regulation, and even success.
In simpler terms, eudaimonia is often referred to as “satisfied happiness. “This is because it indicates a positive spirit that prompts you to take the best and most effective actions. After all, you are at peace with yourself and with the world. It is a very introspective internal emotion that involves the state of living an experience. well lived regardless of tribulations and emotions.
This means that external influences cannot affect or harm you in a state of eudaimonia. While you still feel negative emotions, you can acknowledge them and be at peace with them because your inner world is already at peace. It’s a formidable skill to learn, but it’s worth it. To get started, ask yourself the following questions:
- Do my emotions have a purpose for me and promote my goals?
- Are better options opening up to me because of my emotions and feelings?
- Can my emotions change the situation I am in and improve it?
If all the answers are “no,” then your emotions, such as anxiety and regret, are not serving a positive purpose for you. Take a moment to look into their eyes, feel them in full force, and tell them that you are happy even with their presence.
Regrets and anxiety often arise when you feel like you have no direction in life. It’s hard to keep positive thinking when you can’t help but wonder if things would be just as bad for you if you had done things differently. You are not where you want to be, so you regret it. That’s where goal setting comes in.
There are many different types of goals, ranging from short to long term and from small to large. Most importantly, when you set goals wisely, what you are doing is giving yourself something to focus on. Tracking your progress shows that your anxiety is wrong and shows your regret that you don’t need it anymore.
Set reasonable goals, your goals should be:
You should be able to track your progress as you go through your endeavors. This avoids feelings of inadequacy and shows your anxiety that you are capable of improving.
Set goals that are related to you and your wishes. You want to give yourself direction and motivation, not setting goals simply by setting goals.
Vague targets are a sure way to head straight for disaster. You will work best when you are given clear terms and conditions to achieve your goals, as you cannot avoid them or do anything less than the intended requirement.
· Limited in time
Goals that are set with no deadline don’t work because they never need to be met. You want to set clear time limits for each step of your goals, motivating you to achieve a certain amount in a specific time.
It’s admirable to set high goals but set them too high, and those feelings of anxiety and regret will start to show up again. Your goals should challenge you, not make you wish you never set them. Don’t be discouraged by setting unattainable ideals. Instead, work toward bigger goals with smaller goals.
4. Practice forgiveness
Regrets and grudges are cut in the same way. Both involve strong negative feelings regarding things that have already happened, that cannot be changed, and that may have occurred in completely different circumstances than they are now. That is why one way to learn to overcome regret is by granting forgiveness rather than holding a grudge.
Research has found that giving forgiveness had positive effects on mental health and well-being. Holding grudges can slow you down, upset your emotions in the long run, and cause far more pain than the initial pain is worth. In other words, those grudges add to the pain of your regret, and it’s time to let both go!
This is not to say that you should go out of your way to tell people who have done you terrible harm that you forgive them. That is not necessary. Instead, this forgiveness is something that must come from within you, as something you know personally. You forgive someone, so you let them go from your heart and you no longer let yourself be shaken by their memory.
It is not possible to live free of regrets if you are still attached to those feelings. So, here are some steps to follow:
Step one: remember that we have defects
Human beings make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Your mistakes don’t define you and, in most cases, the people who have hurt you have done it too. This is not to say that you should become an apologist. Instead, this step is designed to reduce humanity to the people you harbor bad feelings about. They are not someone extra special or extra powerful, they are just human. Why should someone like that still have so much control over you?
Step two: find the lessons
The experience that started her wave of grudges and regrets was heartbreaking and difficult. But what did you learn from that? Reflect on those circumstances. Have you grown since then? What can you remove and do differently to avoid this in the future? What lessons can you now add to your arsenal of wisdom to empower you as you go?
Step Three: Determine the Next Step
Before releasing your grudges and regrets, allow yourself to determine once and for all what to do about it. Is your complaint related to someone who hurt you? If so, decide whether to make peace with them or discard them if they are not worth it. Is the grudge related to a missed opportunity? It’s never too late to try again, so decide how to do it now or if you still want that opportunity. No matter what the grudge is, there is a follow-up available that will provide you with a favorable resolution.
Regrets and anxiety are sometimes unavoidable, and your feelings in this regard are valid. However, remember that these emotions shouldn’t define you. They have a temporary purpose, teach you a lesson and then leave. Living free from regrets and anxiety means knowing when it’s time to move on and let go.