Abusive people are good at using phrases that you may not know are abuse. They say things that will make you question your memory and your mind. The abuser will use gaslighting phrases repeatedly to continue to bring down his victim.
What psychologists Explain, the abuser works to attack others. They do it gradually with rude or critical comments. They will then interpret it as a joke, or they will just lie about saying it.
25 gaslighting phrases abusive people use to control others
Gaslighting is incredibly damaging to the victim and can cause them to become trapped in a cycle of abuse. If you know someone who uses these gas lighting phrases, you can probably identify them as a abusive person.
A person who likes gas lights will always try to make you feel like you have memory problems. They do this to convince you to remember a situation differently. When it happens often enough, it can make you question your sanity.
An abuser uses this method to distort reality and convince you of things that never happened. Even when you know what you saw and felt, you will end up questioning your reality.
2. “Why are you lying? I never did that.”
This is another phrase that abusive people use to control others. It’s another tactic to make you question your memory. They convince you to replace real experiences with what they want you to believe.
This gaslighting phrase will make you feel like you’re wrong. Even when you saw the abuser do something or hear what he said, you will try this type of phrase.
3. “You are stressed.”
When someone tells you that you only feel or think something because you are stressed, it is a sign of gaslighting. The abuser tries to make you feel like you are mentally weak and not thinking clearly. By using this phrase, they are likely to say other things that make it seem like it doesn’t make sense.
4. “I can see what that says about you.”
They could follow this statement by telling you that you are the only person with their views. An abusive person likes to make his victims feel unstable and like an outcast. This phrase isolates you and makes you question who you are and what you believe in.
5. “Don’t you remember talking about this?”
When you don’t feel comfortable with something or don’t want to do it, they will make you feel like you already agree. The abuser tries to alter your beliefs so that you do something that you would not otherwise agree to. Abusive people are so convincing that victims often believe in their abuser when they use this tactic.
6. “Your friends are not good people.”
Every time someone tries to convince you that the people you love and enjoy spending time with are bad, they are abusive. Someone who gas lights others want to isolate their victims, and your group of friends is often the first place you start. They will quickly want to be the only relationship you have in life.
Abusive people will try to convince you to remove people from your life to gain control. The more people they can remove, the more it will depend on them. Also, they don’t want anyone to point out how cruel their behavior is, and their loved ones would do that.
7. “You are crazy. Everyone can see that. “
An abusive person will say things like this and could also call it obsessive. They do this to make you feel like you are acting and thinking inappropriately. Their goal is to make you doubt yourself so they can control it.
8. “You have no reason to be upset.”
They will argue that they didn’t do anything wrong or that they didn’t know you would be angry. Even when the abuser knows he was wrong, he will try to convince you that you are wrong. They will blame or minimize your actions, causing you to doubt your thoughts and feelings.
A person like this will not see the problem, even if he explains it well. They may also blame their actions on their beliefs and then continue the behavior. When they use their beliefs or values as an excuse, they will feel validated.
9. “I’m not even angry or upset.”
Abusive people who criticize others will act as if they are upset or angry, but will not talk about it. If you ask them why they are angry, they will tell you that they are not. This behavior leaves the victim wondering if they imagine things, although it is obvious that the abuser is upset.
They can even use this situation as an opportunity to turn the problem on you. Once they say they are not upset, they will accuse you of being angry.
10. “It’s not my fault you can’t communicate better.”
When you are upset or hurt by something an abusive person said, you will be accused of misinterpreting it. Even when there is no other way to interpret what they said, they will tell you that you need to communicate better.
This not only makes you question your memory, it also makes you question your ability to communicate. Every time an abuser does this, they are making their victim believe them more. They make you question your reality and assume that you are the one who has the problems.
11. “You know I was kidding.”
When someone says hurtful things to you or does something wrong, they will tell you it was a joke. An abuser will accuse you of not being able to accept a joke. The reason they do this is that they cannot apologize or admit to having committed a crime.
12. “Why are you so paranoid?”
Even with evidence of wrongdoing, a gas lighter will use this phrase. An abusive person who uses this tactic to make you feel small and like your thoughts are invalid. Not only that, but it can make you question your beliefs and opinions entirely.
Calling him dramatic or saying he’s overreacting is a common indication of gaslighting. By saying this, the abuser is telling you that your feelings are not valid.
14. “I only say bad things because …”
An abuser will misrepresent and rephrase the words he uses if he realizes that you are upset about him. They will claim that what they said was a way to help you rather than hurt you.
15. “If you don’t, then you don’t love me.”
Abusers will try to force you to do things that you are not comfortable with. They claim that if you don’t do what they want, it shows them that you don’t love them. This phrase can come up if you don’t forgive them for something hurtful they did to you.
16. “You are the only person I have problems with.”
When speaking, an abuser will use a phrase similar to this. They can convince you that you are the only one who has a problem with their behavior, which validates them.
17. “I don’t care what you said because I know what you’re thinking.”
It doesn’t matter what you say because a gas lighter will not listen. The abuser will assume that you know what you are thinking despite anything you speak out loud. This is a mechanism they use to assert their domain.
18. “Why do you take everything so seriously?”
When you are upset about something, this is a common phrase abusers use. They will make you feel like nothing you think matters and will work to make you feel numb.
19. “You are too sensitive.”
If you cry or get angry, an abuser is likely to tell you this. This situation is especially true if you cry because of them. It’s their way of diverting attention from them by making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.
20. “You always read too much in things.”
An abuser will say something like this to get you to stop looking at the things that bother you. When the abuser tells you that you are overthinking, it could cause you to back off and let go.
21. “Listen to yourself.”
This phrase makes you feel like you are acting irrationally. It affects your self-esteem and can make it difficult for you to speak.
22. “I’m the only one who will love you.”
An abuser convinces his victim that no one else loves them. They want to make their victim feel unlovable so that the victim stays. One way to do this is by saying that people speak ill of you.
23. “It’s your fault.”
No matter what they did or said, abusive people will change it and blame you. If they can make you think it’s all your fault, they won’t have to change their bad behavior.
Abusive people will even blame others for their emotions. If you’re unhappy, it’s always someone else’s fault, and that person is often your biggest victim.
24. “You should have known …”
Every time someone says you should have known something they never said, it’s a gaslighting tactic. No one is a mind reader and there is no way you will know something they never told you.
25. “You are exaggerating things.”
In most cases, when someone uses this phrase, they are trying to hide something. It is a tactic to divert attention from what they are doing wrong. Then they turn on you to make you question yourself.
If you know someone who uses these harmful gaslighting phrases, protect yourself from them. Don’t let their words get to you and get out of the situation immediately.
While gaslighting phrases are just words, they are incredibly mentally damaging. Knowing the tactics an abusive person uses can help you avoid becoming their next victim.