People have a lot to say about everyone and everything. Those opinions can shape your own perspectives, including your view of yourself. If you worry too much about other people’s opinions, a lack of reassurance can affect your confidence levels.
Living your life according to the standards and validation of others is not healthy. But how can you stop this cycle and move towards more positive methods of maintaining your self-esteem? Here are 11 ways to boost your self-confidence to stop seeking comfort from others.
1. Think about your quest for peace of mind
One of the first things to do if you are constantly seeking reassurance is to confront that behavior. What are your motives? What triggers the behavior?
- Examine Your Peace-of-Mind Search Actions and Understand Why It Happens
- Stop before engaging in a comfort-seeking behavior and don’t move on.
- Ask yourself why your own opinion is not enough and why it is enough for you.
2. Examine your confidence
Sometimes, to increase your self-confidence, you need to better understand your personal relationship with confidence. To do this, start by choosing two different memories: one from when you felt confident in yourself and another where you lacked. Then ask yourself these questions for each memory:
- How did the situation happen?
- What did you say to yourself while the situation was happening? How about a thought you had?
- What kinds of feelings do you remember having? Was there any noticeable physical sensation you felt?
- What happened as a result of these cumulative factors?
- How did you feel after these results occurred?
Now use your two sets of responses, one for each memory, to reflect on what you have learned about your confidence and who you are.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What did I do right that made me feel safe?
- Why wasn’t that factor present when I lacked confidence?
- What can I do to help me feel more confident, based on what has worked before?
- What kinds of things give me power? How can I make them part of my daily life?
3. Get out of comparisons
It’s easy to compare yourself to the people around you in a vague attempt to seek validation. You try to live up to the people you see and how they present themselves, trying to become positive as you think they are. But research has shown that envy is directly related to self-perception, so it’s time to stop!
The truth is that comparisons are not fair or possible, and they do not work. Here are some reasons why:
- Most people present the best of themselves to others, not their flaws or weaknesses.
- Everyone has their own journey in life and is influenced by millions of little factors in their past and present, making true and fair comparisons inherently impossible.
- Believing that others are better than you should be used as motivation, not as a reason to punish yourself.
- Life is not a race or a competition, and you can take your time to achieve your goals.
4. Create boundaries and definitions
Using clearly defined limits, concepts, and goals is beneficial on any personal growth journey. However, when you try to build trust, it is an advantage. It allows you to recall ideas and parts of yourself that will contribute to your overall movement toward self-confidence. Here are some things to define:
Know where your personal boundaries are, inform those around you, and create plans to enforce them if they cross. This will give you the habit of defending yourself, even if it makes others unhappy.
What are your personal values? What is your position on the different issues? What are your customs? These are things you should not compromise on. Learning to respect these values gives you integrity and allows you to practice your ability to maintain confidence in the face of disapproval from others.
What is a measure of success for you? Defining this will allow you to feel fulfilled when you meet that definition, giving you the opportunity to improve your self-esteem with each achievement.
5. Be kind to yourself
Practicing self-compassion means being kinder and gentler to yourself. After all, most people find it easy to be tough on themselves and are harder on themselves than everyone around them. That is why it is so important. Furthermore, studies indicate that self-compassion has positive effects on confidence and self-esteem.
When you are kind yourself, you:
- Don’t beat yourself up or berate yourself for making a mistake or experiencing failure.
- Use positive terms to refer to your everyday actions.
- Take every negative event as motivation to learn and move on.
- Never insult yourself.
- Pat yourself on the back when it suits you
- Have the ability to laugh at yourself.
6. Keep a trusted journal
Writing on your own can be quite therapeutic, but that’s not the only reason to get into the habit of journaling. A journal can help you monitor your progress, express your emotions, write down your thoughts, and reflect on your growth and journey.
A trusted journal will be a bit more specific than a simple journal. It should have a space dedicated to the daily expression of confidence and personal security. Here are some pointers to use when writing in this journal:
- Today, I did well for …
- I achieved …
- I felt great about myself when …
- Today I had a lot of fun because …
- Today, I saw something good happen …
- I was proud of myself when …
- Today, I had this positive experience …
What does this accomplish? Well, it allows you to look back and see how much you are capable of, how many wonderful things happen in your life, and how your perspective can be altered. It’s a great way to build your confidence slowly over time.
Your brain will often tell you that it cannot do anything. Learn to fight those instincts by challenging your brain. Run “experiments” in which you see what will happen if you fight your brain messages and your own negative self-talk. Meet those challenges with so much positive thinking As you can.
If you have trouble working with your nerves, really lean on the “experiment” aspect. You’re just curious and you’re just testing it to see what happens. You may be surprised at how well it turns out, or how little a couple of mistakes really matter in the end, or how much you’ve learned in exchange for a minor failure.
Here are some great ways to experiment with challenges:
Stand on the edge of your comfort zone
Stretch out of your comfort zone, just enough to feel a little uncomfortable, but not enough to overwhelm you.
What are you scared of? Try to challenge those beliefs and overcome those fears with slow and steady exposure.
· Try new things
Learn new skills, take classes, and let yourself be carried away by new experiences. It’s okay to be a beginner again, and the mindset of a learner is growing!
What values and beliefs do you have in your essence? Examine them closely. Do you still really believe them? Have you overcome them? Is there more to learn?
8. Help others
Helping others is a great way to build trust because it shows you that you can make a difference in someone else’s life. It allows you to use the skills you have to solve a problem and make someone smile.
If you really want to challenge yourself, you can become someone’s mentor or teacher and help them that way. This will allow you to hone your leadership and mentoring skills while gaining confidence through your hard work paying off in the person you are teaching.
You can also offer support to others. It’s powerful to see how just being there for someone can make someone feel so much better. How not to get a little boost of self-esteem when you see that that power is within you?
9. Take care of your physical health
If you’re not making sure your body is in good health, it’s easy for your self-esteem to drop. Studies indicate that taking care of your body can improve positive thinking regarding body image, thus increasing confidence levels.
You don’t have to become a total gym rat to benefit from the self-confidence of physical health. Alone:
- Get regular moderate exercise.
- Get enough sleep
- Eat a relatively balanced diet.
- Take care of yourself when you get sick.
10. Get comfortable with self-doubt
Many times, your doubts will get in the way of doing what you want to do. You can say something like, “When I am more confident, I will do this!”
But here’s a little secret: even the most confident people face doubts. They have to overcome it with courage and the confidence that they will meet any challenge. They have been comfortable with moments like this and are happy to face challenges head on.
The truth is often the most positive The ways to gain confidence involve facing your doubts and running with them. It’s good to prepare before you jump, and practicing can help you gain the confidence to overcome doubt. But at the end of the day, you’ll never know what you’re capable of if you don’t!
11. Celebrate your successes
Have you done well at something, achieved a goal, or found some form of success, even a very small one? Celebrate by talking yourself! Your confidence will get a big boost when you actively recognize the good parts of yourself as much as you naturally focus on the bad ones.
It can be a bit strange to pat yourself on the back when you first try to get into the habit, but don’t worry. In no time, you will start to do it more naturally. Here are some examples of what to celebrate.
- Compliments someone gives you
- Reaching a certain achievement.
- Notice positive changes in yourself
- Finishing your to-do list
- Handling a difficult situation
Confidence is a beautiful thing and should not be taken for granted. Developing your self-confidence allows you to feel safe and happy with yourself, even without anyone else’s approval.