By stufflovely
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May 02, 2021
You already know the ways your partner inadvertently provokes you. However, you may not realize that you also provoke them without realizing it. Some of the things you do can push your partner away or cause conflict between the two of you.
Acknowledging that you are provoking your partner without realizing it can help you make a change for the better. Once you know you’re doing it, you can keep an eye out for those situations and rewind it before it goes too far. When you can do this, you will notice that your relationship grows stronger as well.
Most of the time, communication can help limit unintended provocations. Make sure your partner feels safe by being open and honest with you, and ask for the same in return. However, you will still find experiences where the two of you inadvertently provoke each other.
How people provoke their partner without realizing it
Knowing the ways you could be contributing to this problem can help you address them. Many of the actions are actions that you would not even consider detrimental to your relationship. You will find that you are surprised, but knowing the provoking behaviors it will improve your relationship.
1. Assuming they know what you are thinking
When you save your thoughts and feelings, you shouldn’t wait your classmate to know. If you’re upset or angry, telling them can help you get through it. Choosing to keep it down is not only bad for you, but it also hurts your partner.
Even if it wasn’t your partner that bothered you, you should talk to her about it. If you are emitting negative vibes or acting distant, your partner might think that you are directed at them. On the other hand, if they know what’s wrong, they won’t think you’re upset with them.
In addition, it will help you overcome your feelings. As you talk to your partner, you will process everything a little better. You will also not be as likely to unload your negative emotions on your partner, which usually happens when you repress them.
2. Excluded
Excluding your partner inadvertently is very easy to do. It can be as simple as watching a single TV show that, until now, you have watched with them. When your spouse hopes to create memories and share emotions during a program, it can upset him if you do it without him.
This situation is not just specific to the TV shows you watch together. Every time you do something without your partner that you normally do with them, you are excluding them. It may seem harmless, but it makes them think they don’t see it as a special time together.
3. Emotional retention
When you refuse to talk to your partner, it affects you deeply. Retention can include not showing affection, lack of eye contact, or not paying attention to them when they speak. In relationships, it is essential that each partner feels seen, loved and cared for.
4. Throw things without asking
You may think that it is harmless to throw things away when cleaning, tidying up or redecorating. However, your partner may not agree, so it is always best to ask first. Throwing things away without asking first can give the impression that you don’t respect your partner.
Your items may have sentimental value, so even if they are old and stained, ask before you throw them away. It could make your partner think that you don’t appreciate their taste or that you don’t want them to change. To avoid any of these negative situations, remember to ask first.
5. Never congratulate them
Compliments may not be everything, but they are essential in the grand scheme of things. If you don’t compliment your partner, they will never know the things you love about them. Please don’t assume they know because unless you tell them, they have no way of knowing.
Please don’t leave your partner wondering what it is you like about them. Doing so may lead them to believe that you don’t see anything special.
6. Trying to get activated
You may not realize it, but sometimes you can try to get a reaction from your spouse. If the yelling triggers you, then you might continuously yell at them until they yell at you. Then you get angry because they provoked you, even though it was you who provoked.
This situation often occurs because you are trying to get your partner to validate your negative thoughts about yourself. You think badly in certain areas of your life or your past and end up portraying those situations again.
Another example of this is if you felt rejected when you were younger and are now afraid of rejection. Even if you are afraid of being rejected, you will do things to push your partner away. You will do things to make your partner act the way you have feared in your mind.
If you have a negative view of how relationships can work, this problem comes up more often. Try to get rid of painful memories from your past and learn to recognize when they are affecting your relationship.
7. Punish them passively aggressively
If you notice that your partner has been distracted or upset lately, you may start provoking her without realizing it. When your partner is not so focused on you, then you could start avoiding it. You can passively-aggressively ignore them, which only makes them feel worse.
You can also punish them if your partner wants to talk about things that don’t interest you. They may want to talk about finance or other important topics, and you may want to clear your mind. If this is the case, you can find ways around them to avoid the conversation.
Avoiding them is a way of punishing them for not understanding your desire to ignore the topic. They will feel denied, rejected, and unsupported.
8. Say things that you know will upset them
You know your partner better than most, so you know what to say when you want to tease her. The behaviors, tones, looks, or body language that you know trigger them could be one way to provoke them. You may not even realize you are doing it, but try to pay attention to those cases.
When you and your partner are arguing or having a disagreement, you can use those things to your advantage. It’s likely an unconscious decision, but it hurts them anyway. Recognizing your partner’s triggers And respecting them enough to avoid causing them pain can make a difference.
Be mindful of the way you behave when you disagree with your partner, if you find that you are responding in a way that will hurt your partner, make a different decision.
9. Complain or criticize
If you complain or criticize your partner, you are probably provoking her. It can make them feel like you have lost sight of who they are as an individual. Constant criticism and complaints can also cause them to focus on their most negative traits.
If you are focusing on your negative traits, then those are the things that will shine the most. So not only will you provoke them by constantly pointing out those things, but you can also make the problem worse.
Your words can hurt or undermine your partner, causing them to react negatively. They will feel disrespected despised, and not loved and respond defensively or angrily. You may also notice that you shut down emotionally when this happens, increasing the emotional distance between you.
Avoiding constant criticism does not mean that you should suppress all your thoughts and feelings. Instead, look for positive ways to tell your partner what you are thinking. Be loving and understanding while having a conversation about it, and they will respond more positively.
10. Give your words a false meaning
When your partner talks to you, you may notice that you misinterpret his words. Even if you don’t immediately misunderstand them, you can convince yourself that there was a hidden meaning. You will interpret the things they say to you in a way that matches the negative thoughts you have in your head.
Your opinion of yourself is likely to be negative compared to the way your partner views you. When you think he was trying to say something negative about you, you may get angry. Trust that there is no underlying meaning behind what your partner said and your relationship may improve.
Final thoughts on the ways people inadvertently provoke their partner.
When you recognize how you might inadvertently provoke your partner, you can work to fix the problem. Focus on your behavior towards them and make sure you don’t unintentionally hurt your partner.
By being self-aware, you can stop these provocative behaviors and strengthen your relationship. Focus on communicating and considering your partner’s feelings to help you stop provoking them.
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